Man-Boobs

Man boobs, AKA "testosterone titties" or "Herman’s Hooters," are nothing more than oversized, floppy breasts on men. For some who have them, however – especially British men, it seems – they don’t mind saying it loud: they’re busty and they’re proud!

Just as on women, man-boobs are simply bags of fat. The difference is that a woman’s bag of fat is useful (breast feeding) and, as Hugh Hefner would say, frequently attractive. Man boobs, on the other hand (or other chest), are useless and never attractive, though some men might differ. The politically correct name for the condition is gynecomastia.

How to Get Man Boobs

It’s easier to obtain man boobs than to get rid of them. All you have to do is to pork out at the dinner table whenever possible. (You see very few people from Bangladesh with man boobs.) The earlier you start, the faster you’ll get results.

Another way: go to the gym for at least two hours every day for a couple of years. Do nothing else but exercise the chest area to bulk up your deltoids. (If you’re trying to shed man boobs, doing these exercises will be as close as you can come to spot exercising the area – doing it not to lose fat but to build muscle.) Unfortunately, there are no exercises to get rid of man boobs.

Meanwhile, shooting up with anabolic steroids while you’re pushing weights will puff up those boobs, too, and irreversibly so. But it’s not a good choice. Injecting these artificial hormones also exposes you to such risks as liver cancer, reduced sperm production, shrinking of the testicles, impotence, difficulty or pain in urinating, baldness, depression, and attacks of rage.

(Steroids also have deleterious effects on women, but we’re discussing man boobs here.)

How to Lose Man Boobs

If you’ve managed to grow those things on your chest without wanting to and you want to get rid of them, doing the job yourself can amount to something as simple as stopping what you might have done to grow them; i.e., changing your diet.

The best answer, as with anything else involving the shedding of fat, is to change your eating habits. Don’t consume so much fat and simple carbs – things like untrimmed brisket of beef, ice cream, or cookies. Eat more greens and veggies and some fruit. If you drink milk, make it skim. And definitely exercise. Some weight-resistance training is good, but be sure to get some aerobic exercise. Even walking helps. Work up a good sweat. A personal trainer can help reduce your learning curve.

But you’ve heard this all before, right? And if you’re pudgy enough to have those things protruding from your chest, you probably already know how difficult it is to "eat healthy." Somebody named McDonald is constantly calling, and there’s a burger king banging on your door. And you also have to consider that you might have gotten those things in ways other than overeating.

Other Causes of Man Boobs

Male breasts can be also be produced by drugs (such as anabolic steroids), hypogonadism, androgen resistance, Klinefelter Syndrome, alcoholism, cystic fibrosis, pituitary malfunction, cirrhosis, and tumors, and this just scratches the surface. There are also synchronous hermaphrodites who possess both male and female sexual organs. These are all reasons why you should consult a physician before you attempt any radical solutions such as cosmetic surgery.

Assuming you’ve got the bucks to pay for it, cosmetic surgery to remove or reduce your "male mammaries" is an option. Procedures ranging from liposuction to what might be called "male mammaplasty" could cost up to $15,000 or more. (Hey, come on, that surgeon is still paying off his college loans, plus there are the payments on that second home on the Costa del Sol to consider.) And asking your medical insurer to cover the cost almost always gets this response: "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you’re kidding, right?"

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