Your pillow is wet with tears and your trash is full of used tissue. You’ve got the song “The Art Of Letting Go” looped on your CD player. On your desk are all the love letters, gifts and pictures of your five “wonderful” years together. You want to tear them into tiny pieces, but you just don’t have the guts.
Yes, it’s another heartbreak. Another failed relationship. After all those years, your boyfriend dumped you for another girl. Now, all you feel is pain. You wish someone would just smite you and end your torture.
Healing a broken heart is perhaps one of the hardest things to do in life. It’s something everyone experiences, yet it’s never easy to overcome it. Sometimes, you feel like you want to die, and that there’s no tomorrow (Learn how to get over a broken heart). Then, sooner or later you realize that you have to stand up and pick up the pieces.
Forgetting and moving on is never easy, but there are ways you can overcome this ordeal. Here are a few tips to help you out.
Erase, Erase, Erase
The first step to get over a person who broke your heart is to get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Gather all the things you shared and all the stuff he gave you — from the very first love letter he wrote to the diamond necklace he gave you on your 3rd anniversary. They all carry memories of him, and they won’t help you move on. Sort them out and decide how you’re going to get rid of them. Figure out the stuff you may want to throw away and the things you may want to return to your ex. You can ask a friend to give back these things for you. (Tips on how to get rid of your ex’s stuff)
For example, give back the expensive gifts he gave you. It’s a polite gesture and it’ll serve as a good karma for you. The love letters full of fake promises can go in the paper shredder. DON’T leave anything out. You’ll be surprised at how the smallest things can remind you of him.
Here’s another important thing you should get rid of: photographs. Remember all those cute couple pictures you two have? Get rid of them. The more you see his face, the harder it’ll be for you to move on. Take them down from the frames or photo albums and keep them locked away. If you’re feeling extremely bitter, burn them into ashes. If it helps you forget, then do it.
Cut The Communication
One of the most annoying and confusing things about exes is that after they break your heart and leave you, they try to talk to you again. Oftentimes, they say they want to be “just friends” with you. While this set-up may work for some people, those who really had it bad find this very difficult. Either past issues come up or past feelings return. Both of these can spell disaster.
The most effective way to prevent this is to break all communication between the two of you. Don’t answer his calls, e-mails, text messages or faxes. Don’t agree to meet up with him in person. You need some time away for your heart to mend. The heartache is still fresh, and having him nearby won’t help.
You don’t have to avoid your ex for the rest of your life. Someday, when your wounds have healed, maybe you can open up and talk to him again. For now, just stay away from him.
Another reminder: resist revenge. While the prospect of burning down his home or smashing the windshield of his car seems exciting and fulfilling, don’t do it. Not only does this show how bitter and resentful you are, but it also makes you look stupid and immature. Besides, you can get into trouble if you go overboard.
No More Sad Break-Up Songs
Many people have this weird habit of listening to sad and sentimental love songs while treating a heartache. While these love songs may convey the same emotion they feel, they don’t help at all. In fact, they only embed the pain deeper, and letting go becomes harder and more painful.
Listening to Phil Collins’ “Separate Lives” or Whitney Houston’s “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” is very tempting, but try to stay away from these break-up songs as much as you can. These depressing tunes won’t do your broken heart any good. Listen to upbeat, feel-good music instead, like Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman” or Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”. Not only will they make you feel lighter and happier, they will also convey your positive outlook — that you’re going to move on and be happy no matter what.
Other empowering break-up songs you can listen to include:
- Survivor by Destiny’s Child
- I Will Love Again by Lara Fabian
- Kiss Off by Violent Femmes
- Fighter by Christina Aguilera
- Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson
- Respect by Aretha Franklin
Broken-hearted individuals enter this phase when they don’t want to see other people because of the terrible pain they’re going through. They lock themselves in their rooms and refuse to come out. When they DO come out, they refuse to talk about it. They try to act cheerful, as if the pain is nothing, but deep inside, it’s really killing them. These habits are common, but not healthy.
Voicing the pain is better than keeping it in. Approach people you know very well and trust, like your family or your friends, and talk to them. Dealing with a broken heart seems easier knowing you’ve got people behind you who’ll support and care for you. Tell them about your heartache, what went wrong, and what you’re feeling. Say everything that’s on your mind. They don’t have to comment or give you any advice. Listening is enough.
You can cry if you want to. It’s okay to cry. After all, these are people you trust, right? They’ll even hug you and whisper “everything is going to be okay”. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t hold back. Just let all the emotions go. You’ll feel lighter afterwards.
Go Out and Have Fun
Sulking and mulling over a heartache for too long is never a good thing. Many people throw away their social life altogether. Before they know it, a lot of time has passed, and they’ve done nothing but enclose themselves in a cage of their own misery.
The trick is not to let all the negative and painful emotions pull you down. Think of all the things you could have done in those times when you were busy crying over your ex.
Go out and enjoy life! You still have a life to live. Have as much fun as you can. Go to parties and discos. Spend time with your friends and family. You’ll not only forget about your heartache, but you’ll also enjoy yourself and maximize what life has to offer.
Since you’re moving on to another chapter, one wonderful suggestion is to try out new activities. Is there an extreme sport you’d like to do or a hobby you want to try out? Are there places you’d like to travel to (Why not try going to these or new restaurants you’d like to dine in? Keep indulging yourself. It’s all about you this time.
Now Showing: “This Closure”
Most breakups are final. You end everything, and agree not to talk again. On the other hand, there are breakups and heartaches that leave you hanging, such as when someone dumps you for no apparent reason or if that person cheats on you, despite everything you’ve done for him. Questions are left hanging and so is the pain that you feel.
The best way to resolve this is to talk to the other person and get the closure you deserve. If you think you can handle it, meet up with him and discuss the breakup. Ask him what went wrong and why he hurt you. Listen to his answers thoroughly until you’re satisfied.
After everything has been cleared up between the two of you, say goodbye. Promise yourself that now that you have the answers, you’ll never look back. It’s painful, but you’ll realize that having the questions answered helps you to move on quicker.
If you still don’t have the courage to face the other person, you can just send him a long letter. Write down everything you feel and all the things you want to say to him. When you’re ready, you can mail it to him. A reply from him or her is immaterial. The important thing is that you were able to tell your side.
Life Goes On
Keep this verse in mind : “This too, shall pass”. A broken heart mends in time. Dry your eyes and take as much time as you need. The pain can be overwhelming especially if you really loved the other person, but if you stay strong, positive and optimistic, you’ll get through the heartache and come out a stronger and happier individual. If you enjoyed reading this article, you’ll sure enjoy reading how to get over someone and how to meet new people.
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