A few years back Simon and Garfunkel performed a song called “Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover.” Although the song was musically satisfying, it sadly did not list the fifty ways. A close look at the lyrics reveals only three solid suggestions. They are: drop off the key, slip out the back, and hop on a bus. If the truth be told, those three are really all part of one very common way of getting rid of your girlfriend. It is known as the “cut and run” method. This method has several drawbacks in that if you share mutual friends, they will have to “choose a side” and you both can end up loosing friends in the process. One thing’s for sure though; you will gain an enemy. There is a better way.
Sometimes things just do not work out in relationships. Part of the problem is that romance usually begins in a blinding blaze of passion. It is not necessarily a time when your brain is acting in a reasonable fashion. The passion eventually wears off and the time comes when you have to take a serious and thoughtful look at the relationship. It is helpful when this happens to have an understanding of exactly why you have a girlfriend in the first place. It is also important to define just what exactly a girlfriend is. Girlfriends are not friends that happen to be girls. That is something different. There is a much more intimate relationship involved here. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are all engaging in an elaborate courting ritual and its ultimate goal is usually to find a lifelong partner.
The Clean Break
If you are looking for a life long partner, you’re bound to work through a few women in your search. It is very possible that somewhere along the line you will come to the conclusion that your current girlfriend is not really what you had in mind. So now you have to get rid of her, this is the time to think ahead. Do not be short-sighted because it’s easier than you think to cause a mess worthy of daytime television.
- Choose the Right Place. It is not a good idea to pick out the most romantic place you can find to break the news. Taking a girl out to a romantic place is going to prime her for something totally different than a talk about how you have determined that you just are not all that much “in to her” anymore, regardless of how honest that might be. On the other hand, an email or text message on her cell phone is not good either. If you really want her gone, you need to do it face to face so she can have closure and begin putting it behind her. A public place works best because it will usually act to restrain her from making a big scene. You also want to make sure she has her own way home.
- Take The Blame. One of the biggest problems people (both men and women) have these days is a selfish and weak tendency to blame everything that goes wrong on someone or something else. Don’t destroy the poor girls self esteem, or cause her to react with anger and become defensive. Tell her she didn’t do anything wrong, and that it is all your fault. The fact is, she is going to blame you anyway, and if you wanted to argue with her, you might as well not even bother breaking up.
- Be Strong. Breaking up needs to be an all or nothing deal. You are not going to be able to get rid of her if your suggestion is to slow down. Ex-lovers are a bit like alcohol in this respect. You need to stop completely. If you decide to take a little sip on a slow Saturday night, you are going to get hooked again, and she is going to be bugging you trying to get more face time. As you’re breaking it off with her and taking the blame, explain clearly that there is nothing that she or anyone else can do to reverse the decision. Then you have to be strong and stick with it. If you part amicably and decide to remain friends, that’s great but tell her that you still need complete separation for a while, even if she gets angry at this – stick to it!
- Stay Away. Now that you’ve broken the news, taken the blame, and showed her there is no hope of rekindling the relationship you should stay away from her and have absolutely no contact. If you decided to part as friends, she still needs time to stop thinking of you as her lover and move on, and you need to make sure that she gets it or you’re not going to be friends. Start talking again too early and she’ll want to fall back on old habits, and all it takes is a single moment of weakness for you to either give in or tell her off. Let her start dating again and find another boyfriend while you go out and start dating other women and once you think enough time has passed then shoot her an email to test the waters and if she’s still friendly then take it slow and ease back into a normal friendship.
This method works well with mature, self-confident women but it does have one serious drawback. Some women will become obsessed with you and simply not allow you to stay away. She may start stalking you through your circle of friends, showing up at your work, or threatening you. If this happens, you need to think strategically or soon you just might find yourself on the Jerry Springer show. You need to get her to stop as soon as possible, and only you know what the fastest way to do this is. Sit down by yourself or with a friend who can remain serious and examine her actions. Contrast her actions against what you know of her personality and past. Make a plan that will cause her to loose interest – you already know that forcefulness only made her more determined so you need to hatch a plan that will cause her to loose interest of her own volition. Be very careful here, it’s easy to go overboard – and if you do then you may be facing a whole lot of obsessive hate instead of a whole lot of obsessive love. Don’t piss her off, just create the right conditions for her to ‘decide’ that you’re no longer worth her obsession.
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