Isn’t it frustrating to see people who have no problems at all talking to people of the other sex? Who are these magicians and how are they doing this! Chances are they are perfectly normal folks who may have even struggled themselves at one point to interact with the opposite sex. It can be difficult to talk to that certain guy or gal if you feel strongly about them, but you should not let this hold you back from taking the plunge. Follow these steps to help you get rid of any shyness you are experiencing!
1. Be confident.
Even if you do not feel like it, it is essential that you act confident, even if this is indeed just an act at first. You will find that minor steps along the way will get you major wins: don’t rush into something all at once, getting over shyness is no easy matter.
Even if it may seem unnatural at first to try and be confident if you aren’t actually feeling confident, you may find that it becomes easier each and every time you try this approach.
2. Get to the root of your shyness.
Don’t make excuses to yourself or to others that your shyness is a permanent aspect of your life and that you cannot get rid of it. Balderdash! Chances are that you can if you put some work into it.
Ask yourself this question: what causes these fears? Why do you feel like you cannot approach someone of the opposite sex? Once you have this figured out, or at least make a list of some ideas, you are well on your way to addressing the root causes that are making you feel so shy. This can be a very difficult step for some people: you might need some professional therapy help with this to get you on the right track.
3. Use your strengths and forget your weaknesses.
Don’t dwell on things you are NOT good at. Think about what you CAN do, and try and DO it!
Ask yourself these questions: what are your skills and talents? What are your hobbies? Once you have made a list of these, try and use these to your advantage in a conversation. Do others share your interests?
Acting positive is also very important because having a negative view of yourself reflects poorly on yourself and also makes it harder to make friends with the opposite sex.
4. Encourage yourself every day.
Use a motto or mantra to help yourself get over some issues you may be having. Try and be confident in being who you are. If you are having difficulties with this, look at your environment: are your friends helping you or holding you back from being who you really are?
Fight through the negative thoughts to keep yourself on track. This should be about you, not about what anyone else thinks. Encourage yourself to be successful and confident in who you are!
5. Give a good impression.
Dress for success! Physical transformation can be a huge part of impressing the opposite sex. Many guys and girls focus on looks first and foremost before they consider personality and other factors. Many consider this to be a hardwired biological trait, so use it to your advantage!
Get a new wardrobe, wear clean clothes, get yourself a makeover, try out a new hairstyle, or perhaps even hit the gym. This can be a great way to meet members of the opposite sex as well with a common interest, and look good doing so!
The better you look can have a real effect on the way that you feel. “Look good feel good” can be a very real philosophy that will help you change your literal and figurative outlook on life!
6. Take risks.
Sometimes risks are all in your imagination. It is easy to talk yourself out of trying to talk to someone new that you are interested in. But WHO KNOWS what might happen! Roll the dice and you may have landed yourself a great new friend.
The key is to not hesitate. Don’t let the anticipation kill the possibility! Even if it doesn’t work out, that’s usually a better feeling than never knowing what might have been.
7. Go out on dates.
Perhaps you have seen ‘the perfect couple’ out and about, and this makes you wary about trying to date. “They are doing it so well, there is no way I could ever date someone like that,” you might say to yourself. Maybe they have been dating for a while, and it took them a while to get that comfortable!
Focus on yourself. Don’t let other couples tell you who you can date or how you should act. Meeting new people is almost always a good experience, even if all that experience shows you is who NOT to date or who you are NOT interested in.
Dating does not have to be an elaborate or formal affair: grab a coffee with someone as a first time meet up. If the date does not work out, it was a very small investment of both time and money, and you will not have to stress about dragging it out for a long period of time if things aren’t going as well as you hoped.
If you have problems meeting people in day-to-day interactions, consider using dating sites to find someone who might be a great match for you. You can filter your results, while also allowing your personality to show to potential matches at the same time. There are several different online websites, and dating apps like Tinder are also becoming very common for young adults.
8. Tell others you are shy.
Showing confidence is key, but telling someone you are a shy person sometimes works just as well. Don’t let this burden you: command your shyness and have it be a non-factor in conversation.
9. Speak your mind.
Many people think they are not interesting. Surely that is not true! There is always something you can talk about, and there will always be someone out there who shares common interests with you.
Don’t let yourself be crippled by what is ok or not ok to say. Just say it! You would rather tell someone what you are truly thinking than say nothing at all and have this become an issue in the future, if you start dating that person, for instance.
Don’t be afraid to disagree with someone as well: you will never agree with someone about everything. Even the happiest couples have had their fights about what is right or wrong from time to time. This can also be a good way to start a conversation.
Casual conversation or small talk can run out of steam in a hurry. Spice things up with a little variety! Don’t worry if they don’t agree, that is perfectly fine. Chances are they will appreciate the conversation more and get more out of it while learning something about you at the same time. This is likely more than could be achieved from small talk alone! If a member of the opposite sex thinks you are being honest and truthful with them, they will be more likely to open up to you, however, and suddenly you might find yourself in an engaged and interesting conversation!
10. Don’t be afraid of rejection.
Even the most popular people in the world have had their failures. That is the way of life’s road! Don’t let this get you down. You will have some rejections in your life, and some of them may even be harsh. As our good friend Taylor Swift always says, shake off the haters! What do they know anyhow?
Don’t let a rejection become about you: you gave it your best shot and it did not work out. How can you be better next time? Dates or even conversations that do not work out the way you hoped can be a great way for you to learn about yourself as a person and try and change yourself for the better in the future.
By being self aware of both your positive and negative traits, you can help avoid shyness with the opposite sex and use your own personality skills to your advantage, whether in a simple conversation or during a date. Improving your appearance can be a major first step, while changing negative attitudes and remaining positive will work wonders for you in terms of your confidence and your future success. Remember that you are not alone: many people struggle with being shy, but you should not let this struggle control your life! Keep working away one step at a time and you will find that your relationships with the opposite sex will continue to get better and better.