So your mom is dating again, and that is some seriously bad new for you! Of course, you are supportive of her and everything she does, and now she is looking to find happiness again. But the old ‘rebound’ trick affects people of all ages, and your mom just happened to find a total dud. He might act the part, but you can tell that it’s all a sham: beneath the surface he is actually no good at all!
You’ve seen it, but your mom does not. It might be time for you to take the matter into your own hands. You care about your mom and you don’t want to see her being used like she is right now. Maybe her boyfriend is just hooking up with her for fun while pretending to care. Save your mom from the heartbreak before it truly begins. Here are some suggestions for how to get rid of your mom’s boyfriend so you can get your life back to normal again!
1. Understand your feelings
Before you do anything crazy, take a step back and evaluate your thoughts. Are they real? Why do you want to get rid of your mom’s boyfriend? Make a list of all the reasons. Doing so can help you keep your feelings in check and put your actions in perspective.
Sometimes you might that you are just feeling some negative emotions towards the person that aren’t actually well founded. Maybe you are jealous because you feel that you aren’t as close with your mom because of her new boyfriend. Or maybe you resent the boyfriend because you think he’s not a good fit. Or, maybe you feel that you two were doing fine without anyone else in the picture, and you are afraid of what this commitment might do to your relationship.
It’s important to talk with your mom first about all the feelings you are experiencing. Tell her that you are happy she is moving on, but you feel left out in the process. Sometimes your mom might get struck with puppy love, and she will forget that her actions have a direct influence on you. Always try showing your mom that you care about her happiness and are trying to respond to the situation as best as possible. And don’t be afraid to tell her if her boyfriend sucks!
2. Give him the benefit of the doubt
Now that you’ve dealt with your own feelings and talked to your mom, its time to move on to her boyfriend. Always remember that you cannot control how your mom feels. You might hate this guy’s guts, but she is with him for a reason. You might not like the reason, but you should try to be happy for her if she has found happiness with another man again.
Your mom has been with you for your entire life, making sure that you have the support you need. It might be time to give her support now. They might have a genuinely good relationship going on that you just can’t see because you are jealous. Try giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Never compare the new guy to your real dad. That comparison is unfair, and it will never be the same. They are different people entirely. If you can get over this thought, maybe you can even grow to like the guy.
3. Understand his motives
If you still think there is something suspicious about this guy, it’s time for the next step. You need to figure out what motivations drive this relationship. The best relationships are founded upon love, affection, and care. If your mom knew this guy for several years before they started dating, it might be the real deal. However, if she met him at a single’s swinger night, you would be totally in the right to question the legitimacy of the relationship. This guy might be playing with her emotions, or even worse, trying to sneak in on some divorce money.
Be careful when you are gathering information about this guy. You wouldn’t want to pull the trigger on false accusations until you have some solid proof.
Find out if the guy works. If he has no source of income, he might just be using your family for money. A good way to find this out is to discover if he has other girlfriends as well. You should be especially careful with younger guys.
Trust your instincts: if the guy only seems to treat your mom well, but doesn’t treat others well, that’s a warning sign. Evaluate how he deals with you as well. Is he friendly? Is he taking the time to try getting to know you? If he doesn’t care about you at all, that’s a problem for several reasons.
If this guy is falling into all the wrong categories, she might have fallen into dating the exact type of person she warned you against when you were younger. It might be time for you to take affirmative action if she won’t listen to you!
4. Take some responsibility
Sometimes moms feel that they need help around the house, and that they need someone to manage household chores and responsibilities. They might overlook all the negative faults a guy has if he is willing to help with chores.
You can show your mom that she doesn’t need help by pitching in around the house wherever you can. If necessary, pick up a part-time job to help cover expenses. Your mom will hopefully see that a boyfriend is optional, not necessary.
5. Drive him off
Sometimes you need to play hardball to get rid of your mom’s boyfriend. He clearly isn’t above slimy behaviour, so you can fight fire with fire. Give him the impression that you are a force to be reckoned with.
If he tries talking to you while your mom’s around, try and get him worked up. If he is hiding himself as a bad dude anyhow, you might be able to get his true colours to show. That might convince your mom that she needs to reconsider her decision to date him.
Ask this guy for favours, like borrowing his car. If he is genuine, he might happily oblige. If not, this raises another flag about his true motives.
You can really throw a fake boyfriend off balance by calling him “dad.” The idea of responsibility will scare off guys who don’t have a real interest in your mom.
6. Handwrite a letter
If you have tried everything but your mom still won’t change her ways, you can try writing her a letter. Tell her that you feel bad about going a bit too far, but you really think that everything you did was in her best interest.
Tell her how you feel, but do so in writing. Don’t think about what she might want to hear: write what you feel. If the guy sucks, don’t be afraid to say so. Above all else, tell your mom that you love her and that you will try to make her happy.
Everyone deserves happiness, including your mom, of course! But if some idiot has entered her life and has no plans of leaving, that’s another issue entirely. Use these suggestions to help get rid of your mom’s boyfriend. She can keep the good ones around, but anybody with bad motives needs to go pronto. Good luck!