Why do some people ooze confidence? How come they can talk to people of the opposite sex so easily? Where do they get their confidence? How do they keep the conversation going without talking about the weather or having those long, awkward silences? If you’re a very shy person when it comes to talking to the opposite sex, you must have asked these questions yourself many times. The following tips should help you answer these questions and in no time, you will become an amazingly confident individual.

Act confident even if you don’t feel confident.

Overcoming shyness is a tough job. One way to overcome negative thoughts and emotions is by acting or pretending. Pretending might seem artificial to you, but it works. The point here is that you are not aiming to pretend forever. Acting like you’re confident is just a means to relax your mind and body, and get you immersed in real social interaction. Replaying scenes in your mind will achieve nothing, but approaching a person and faking it will get more results. As you become more attuned to the other person’s ideas and feelings, you will soon shed that artificiality and become a genuinely confident person.

Get to the root of your shyness.

Oftentimes, you’ll find yourself making excuses on why you can’t approach a person of the opposite sex. You may say things like, “But he/she’s out my league,” “I’m not really that attracted to him/her,” or “He/she is not for me. I will meet someone else in the future.” Instead of hiding behind these fabricated reasons, sincerely ask yourself why you are shy. What are you afraid of? What caused such fears in you? If you can’t get to the root of the problem alone, don’t hesitate to ask a professional for help.

Remember your strengths and forget about your weaknesses.

Overcoming shyness requires you to rearrange your outlook on life. Through repeated disappointments in life, you have become accustomed to dwelling on your weaknesses and mistakes, reducing your self-esteem and distorting your picture of reality. To get over that distortion, always look for your strengths. Ask yourself, “What am I good at?” “What are my talents?” “What are those actions in the past that I’m proud of?” Remember the things that make you feel good, and forget about the ones that bring you down. Only by seeing yourself in a different light can you reverse the downhill trend of your self-esteem.

Affirm yourself every day.

Daily affirmations help instill in your mind your worth as a person. Before going to work or to school, look at yourself in front of the mirror and say things like, “I like myself,” “I’m a winner,” “I’m cool,” or “I’m powerful.” Of course, shy as you are, you’ll soon find yourself thinking, “But I’m not” – don’t dwell on it! Reversal of self-perception is a hard thing to do, and you’ll doubt yourself along the way. The fact that your mind reacts negatively to self-affirmations just proves that your self-esteem is following a downhill trend. Affirm yourself everyday and push through negative thoughts to get on the track to self-confidence.

Improve your looks.

Inward self-meditation works, but not as effectively as actual physical transformation. You can remember all self-help philosophies, but they won’t accomplish anything if you don’t change your physical self. Wear impressive clothes, style your hair, polish your shoes, get a clean shave, and work out. Do everything to change your body for the better. Once you’ve improved the way you look, philosophies are easier to absorb. A makeover can even change you so completely that you won’t need self-help philosophies any more.

Learn to take and “see” risks.

Some risks are imaginary. Why can your friend talk to a girl or guy so easily, but you can’t? The answer may be because you see risks where your friend sees none. There may be no harm in talking to a person even if your mind tells you there is. A good technique is to approach someone quickly before your mind tells you “no.” You might be surprised at how easily a conversation with that person can go.

Date, date, date!

Insecurities about dating are often a result of watching other people date so comfortably and naturally. You doubt whether you can pull it off as good as your friend or your brother or sister. Instead of dwelling on your insecurities, realize that the only important thing now is to experience dating – not enjoy it, not have something to tell your friends about it, but simply to experience it. Once you begin dating, you’ll find that meeting other people is really a good experience. Also, don’t restrict your definition of the term “dating.” Even sharing a cup of coffee for 30 minutes can be considered a date. You can also try online dating services or just ask your friends to set you up with a blind date.

Tell the other person that you’re shy.

Acting like you’re confident works, but telling a person of the opposite sex upfront that you’re shy may also be effective. Your crush may even tell you the same thing, making you more comfortable and relaxed with each other. Throw away your shyness right away so that you can easily say the things in your mind.

Speak your mind.

Most of the time, shyness comes from the belief that your ideas are uninteresting or worthless to the person before you. But how can you know that? Remember that if you’re approaching a person of the opposite sex for the first time, you don’t know anything about that person, and that person doesn’t know anything about you. Instead of fussing over what to say and how to say it, just speak your mind. Open your lips and tell the person the first thing that you noticed about him or her, even if it’s trivial. Oftentimes, long, interesting conversations are sparked by trivial observations. Don’t be too cautious and just be yourself.

Don’t be afraid to disagree with the other person.

Long, awkward silences are usually caused by one party agreeing too much with what the other party says. You soon run out of “yeahs,” and nodding your head becomes too excessive, so awkward silences follow. A good technique is to disagree with the person you’re talking to. Don’t worry that he or she may not like you. Just disagree or express some reservations about what the other person is talking about. That way, the other person will think that you’re being real with them, and so he or she will also open up more to you. When you sense that the conversation is beginning to run dry, just express a new disagreement, and new opportunities for discussions will open up.

Rejected? Move on.

Moving on is probably the hardest part when it comes to social interaction. You will fail to change yourself if you don’t fight your negative thoughts and feelings after a rejection. Instead of focusing on your bad luck, give yourself a pat on the back for trying. Think of rejection as a mere training or practice session for you to become a better person.

Shyness with the opposite sex can be eliminated through a combination of self-awareness and physical self-improvement. Make your body and mind better, and you’ll surely have better interactions with the person that you like.