The most important thing you have to know about sexual fantasies is that they're normal. That is not to say that all of them are “healthy,” but having sexual fantasies is normal human behavior. Sexual fantasies take a bewildering variety of forms. In fact, research shows than more than half of all women have fantasies of being overpowered or taken against their will to have sex. Before you start thinking of how to cure your perceived sexual illness, you must first learn to draw the line between healthy and unhealthy sexual fantasies.

How to Know If a Sexual Fantasy is Unhealthy

Unhealthy sexual fantasies generally involve nonhuman objects, children, or non consenting partners. These fantasies have a potential to lead you to public humiliation or to cause suffering to yourself and others. Such unhealthy sexual fantasies become even more potentially damaging if you become fixated on them, since they will begin to interfere with real intimacy. The following are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether a fantasy is healthy or not.

• Does the fantasy lead to dangerous behavior?
• Does it feel compulsive or out of control?
• Is the fantasy's content repulsive or disturbing?
• Does the fantasy obstruct your personal growth?
• Does it lower your self-esteem?
• Does it distance you from real-life partners?
• Does it harm relationships you have with other people?

If the answer to any of the above questions is “yes,” then your fantasies are potentially harmful or unhealthy. You need to control them yourself or seek professional help to curb or eliminate them.

Tips to Get Rid of Unhealthy Sexual Fantasies

Getting rid of unhealthy sexual fantasies generally involves ways to either stop your sexual urges or divert them to other forms. The following tips should help you reduce or eliminate your unhealthy sexual fantasies.

• Take a cold shower: Taking a cold shower is one of the oldest forms of killing sexual appetite. In the English language, the phrase “take a cold shower” even means doing something to stop thinking about sex. This technique works but not for all people nor in all situations. Cold water will bring your body temperature down, but that may not be enough to stop the sexual urge. Still, if you want to at least immediately control your sexual fantasies, taking a cold shower might help.

• Masturbate: Masturbation is the most common form of sexual relief. There's nothing inherently evil in masturbation, and research shows that it's healthy for sexual partners to masturbate. Relieving your sexual urges through masturbation guarantees you immediate freedom from your sexual fantasies, and it reduces your chances of getting yourself humiliated in public. Keep in mind though that masturbation is not a long-term solution. It's even possible to get addicted to indulging in unhealthy sexual fantasies and pleasuring yourself through masturbation, which is potentially harmful.

• Talk to your sexual partner about your fantasies: If you're married or in a sexual relationship with another person, the most honest way to get rid of your unhealthy sexual fantasies is to discuss them with your partner. Sometimes, the mere act of talking about your fantasies drains the urge away. You'll also feel less guilt thinking about them, especially if your fantasies involve your sexual partner. For instance, some husbands fantasize of having threesomes with their wives.

There's even a chance that your partner will agree to engage in your fantasies, and possibly act them out to some degree for your satisfaction. In return, your partner may also want to share his/her sexual fantasies with you and ask you to participate in them. Such openness will make you feel better about yourself, and may make your relationship stronger.

• Take up a physically demanding sport: Your heart beats faster and you produce and consume more energy when you're sexually excited. Taking up a physically demanding sport will divert all that extra energy away from your body. Play some basketball, soccer, football, or tennis to drain your energy away. Shadow boxing or hitting a heavy bag is also guaranteed to instantly get rid of your excess desire. This solution can either be short-term or long-term. For some people, taking up a physical sport is just short-term relief for sexual urges, while others develop more sexual control as they train their bodies through sports.

• Play some games: The key to getting rid of unhealthy sexual fantasies is to either divert your body or your mind away from your sexual urges, or both. Playing games, whether actual or video games, may take your mind away from your sexual fantasies. The game must be interesting and enjoyable enough to hold your attention despite the flashing sexual images in your mind. As the game progresses, your mind may gradually lose its focus on your fantasies and be diverted to the game.

• Stay away from materials containing your sexual fantasies: Another way to remove your unhealthy sexual fantasies is to stay away from things that drive them. For instance, if you have unhealthy sexual fantasies of having sex with underage girls, then by all means, never be exposed to any material that even has a hint of such fantasies. In short, you should learn to respect your weaknesses. Don't read magazines, watch TV shows, go to websites or to actual places that have a potential to propel your sexual urges.

Take note though that this is a means of repressing your sexual urges. In some people, repressing sexual fantasies ultimately leads to them becoming even more uncontrollable. If in the process of repressing your sexual fantasies, you find that your fantasies are taking more unhealthy forms, it may be wise to quit repressing them, and follow one of these other solutions instead.

• Engage in spiritual activities: You're not the only one who has to deal with your sexual fantasies every day. Religious people who have vowed to be celibate all their lives have to deal with this problem too. In Islam and Christian religions, praying to God is a common form of relieving sexual urge. Needless to say, this type of sexual control can be very difficult, especially if you're not a religious person.

Yoga (For detailed information on yoga, read The guide to yoga), meditation, and soft martial arts like tai chi can also help you develop your spirituality, taking your mind away from mundane sexual fantasies. Spiritual activities like these can serve to repress or express your sexual urges. As much as possible, try to express your sexual desires through these activities and not just block or repress them.

• Get some professional help: The best way to deal with unhealthy sexual fantasies is to get some professional help. Psychologists, psychotherapists, or sex therapists may be able to help you analyze the roots of your sexual fantasies and confront them medically. It is especially urgent that you see a medical professional if your sexual fantasies put you in great risk of breaking the law.

• Take some drugs: Be advised that you should only take drugs after consulting a medical professional. Having said that, there are lots of drugs you may consider taking to stop your sexual urges. These drugs generally consist of muscle relaxants and anti-depressants. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs are known for reducing sexual appetite, but they can cause various types of sexual dysfunction such as anorgasmia, diminished libido, and erectile dysfunction (Learn how to get rid of erectile dysfunction). Some people get their sexual urges back when they stop taking SSRIs, while some fail to regain them and go on to develop Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction or PSSD.

Getting rid of unhealthy sexual fantasies is not a one-time activity. You must do it on a regular basis to train your mind and body to stay away from these harmful sexual images. Take action immediately if you're suffering from fixation over unhealthy sexual fantasies. You don't want to ruin your life and others' lives just because you can't control your sexual desires. If you enjoyed reading this article, you'll surely enjoy reading how to get rid of porn addiction.