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How to Get Rid of Stalkers

April 13th, 2007 by MartinDodge
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StalkerThe thing that separates a stalker from a silly moonstruck pest intent on following you around (found much more often in movies and Shakespeare than in real life) is that the stalker is firmly fixated on you, whether out of a perverted kind of love or out of hatred for you. He may be a former intimate partner or he may be an erotomaniac, but either way, he believes that he is hopelessly in love with you (yes, he: there are four times as many male stalkers as females; 8% of all women will, at sometime in their lives, be stalked by a male, whereas only 2% of men will be stalked by a women). And, even worse, he believes that, if you are not already in love with him, it is inevitable that you will fall in love with him.

 

He is obsessive, he is rigid, and he obsesses on you. He could also be paranoid, prone to verbal and physical violence, and have a host of other mental and behavioral problems. He is a sociopath who will make your life a hell, or maybe even take it away from you.

What do you have to do to deal with a stalker?

First, be able to recognize one: identify stalker warning signs

    Self-centered man
  1. Two common traits of stalkers are that they are intelligent and self-centered.
  2. They are quite talented and dogged at tracking down the object of their warped affection, and they see nothing wrong in what they do.
  3. No matter how strenuously you may reject a stalker, he will never surrender his notion that you will come to your senses, give in to his pursuit, and fall in love with him.
  4. It is quite likely he has no friends; his only "relationship" is with you.
  5. He is likely to have few, if any, social skills, tends to be a loner, and typically has low self-esteem (If you're one of these, then learn how to build self-esteem); should you make the mistake of showing him some affection, rather than his accepting it, it is equally possible he will consider it a sham and accuse you of mocking him.
  6. Angry
  7. He can become angry and abusive in a flash.
  8. Stalkers come in three flavors. There is the delusional type, also known as the erotomaniac, with whom you have never had a relationship and never will; the hangdog with whom you have broken up but who refuses to believe the affair is over, and the stalker intent on vengeance for the pain he believes you have caused him. Both the delusional stalker and the hangdog stalker have the potential to become vengeful stalkers.
There is a new computer-age variation on the vengeful stalker – the cyber-stalker. He operates much like the identity thief, messing on-line with your credit accounts, your financial records, changing your name in computer databases, and so on. But, unlike the identity thief, his intention is not to steal money from you (though he may) but to make your life more painful. (Other vengeful stalkers might include people like disgruntled customers, road ragers, and others, such as the ex-employee who returns to a company from which he's been fired armed to the teeth and "goes postal" on his former bosses and co-workers. But most victims are stalked by people who think they're "in love" with them and possibly angry that they are rejecting them.)

Second, take action. Don't be passive, and for heaven's sake, don't encourage the fool.

If you are breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, make it quick and final (For tips on breaking up, read how to break up with someone and 50 Mostly Immature and Hurtful Ways to Leave Your Lover). Don't drag things out. Make your last conversation absolutely your last conversation – do not talk to that person again.

Third, never assume that because a stalker has never been violent in the past he cannot be violent in the future.

Protect yourself against potential attack. How? Here are a few of the many things you can and should do:
    Dog
  1. Avoid leaving yourself open to attack. More and more, Web bloggers are inviting attacks by simply making their opinions known far and wide. People advertising themselves on dating personals web sites also run a risk. If you can't take precautions and you can't defend yourself from potential stalkers, you should go to great lengths to maintain anonymity.
  2. Move away and keep your address a secret; get a postal box; un-list your phone number.
  3. Get a dog. Train it to protect you on command and to be alert for intruders.
  4. Learn self-defense. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Whether you choose to carry a gun is up to you and the laws of your community; however, carrying a firearm when you are untrained in its use or you are not prepared to actually kill your stalker leaves you open to having your own weapon turned on you. (read 7 Simple Self-Defense Tricks)
  5. Woman with cellphone
  6. Carry a cell phone with you at all times.
  7. Never respond to a stalker's attentions, not even to shout at him; your attention, even negative attention, is all positive to him.
  8. At work, have fellow employees screen your calls and visitors.
  9. Think twice about obtaining a restraining order. Too often, it does little to protect you and only serves to infuriate the stalker.
  10. Know the locations of police stations and 24-hour convenience stores.
  11. Police Station
  12. If you suspect you're being followed in your car, make four right or four left turns. If the car is still following you, head for the police station.
  13. Join a psychological support group.
  14. Install a security system and motion-sensitive outdoor lighting.
None of these things that fend off a stalker actually gets rid of him. That's virtually impossible. Even when imprisoned for making threats or carrying them out, the stalker can't be kept under lock and key forever unless he has murdered his prey. He is likely to be released from prison within five years and come out still intent upon getting his way... or his revenge.

 

Be aware that a stalker, even when not being a physical threat, can do a great deal of psychological damage. The majority of 100 stalking victims followed in a recent study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry had to make significant changes in their work habits or abandon their work altogether; they became far less socially active, and hunkered down in their homes. Anxiety (For more information regarding anxiety, read The guide to generalized anxiety disorder), sleep problems, post traumatic stress disorder (For more tidbits regarding post traumatic stress disorder, see The guide to post traumatic stress disorder), and newly-developed substance abuse became common. The subjects felt powerless and depressed, and a quarter of the group actively considered suicide. No, you generally can't get rid of a stalker. But you can, and should, as much as possible, take control of the situation. Defend yourself, do some research, connect with other victims, and do what you can to maintain your sanity. If you enjoyed reading this article, you'll be interested to read how to prevent identity theft.

Resources:

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  1. January 31st, 2012 at 12:58 am    name required Says:

    Does anyone out there want to kill someone and get away with it? we can sail out to open waters in the ocean and you can shoot me. i wont tell. please help me escape someone who is terrorizing my life before i start killing babies in hospitals. i want to bring people the pain i have and that’s the best i can think of.

  2. I’ve been internet stalked since I was 16 going on 8 years now..by my own “father”. I use the term loosely since he left when I was barely 3 months old. He was an abuser to my mother, and consequently me since she was pregnant, and had on several occasions threatened to kill us both, and broke into wherever we lived. I had never had contact and he started it on myspace, due to threatening messages, andnot liking myspace anyway, I deleted the account. He has been doing the same on facebook, I have blocked all of his accounts. He made 4 different accounts trying to gain access, even leaving messages to my friends, causing them to block him as well. Found him on twitter and had to block him. I can’t get rid of social media entirely as I use it in my career. I admit he did provke me into responding a few times, but I was angry..never talked to him and I wanted to vent. I realize that was stupid, but he just won’t stop. I’ve tried to calmly tell him to have a good life but I didn’t want to be part of it. Stupid me for trying to reason with him..
    I already had issues with anxiety before, and this makes it worse. I’m also getting paranoid about everything I do online and constantly wonder whether or not he will make good on his threats. No one seems to be much help. I’m scared, angry, and frustrated. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!

  3. May 30th, 2011 at 5:23 pm    Debra Says:

    I have been stalked and harassed by a woman who is the girlfriend of a psycho that I was involved with 15 yrs ago. He beat the living crap out of me and crushed my spine, so he was sent to prison. This woman Leeanne Kelly, is a registered nurse here in San Diego, harassed me while I was in the hospital, even robbing my garage and abusing my pets. I demanded to be released, refusing surgery and delayed it 2 yrs which left me with a partially paralyzed right leg. I complained to the Registered Board of Nurses only to have this crazy beyach buy a condo about 1/2 mile from my home in 2003. She walks by my house all the time, obviously trying to intimidate me. I cannot afford to move as I am now retired on disability (thanks to her boyfriend) and have already spent money modifying my home to accommodate my handicap. I have a burglar alarm, 3 dogs and 3 handguns and I won’t hesitate to shoot if this broad tries to do anything to me. That’s about all anyone can do to protect themselves from these idiots who have no self esteem or self control.

  4. May 7th, 2011 at 1:57 pm    Kenneth Bell Says:

    I don’t know what to call whoever it is who has been threatening my family (wife, daughter and self) in anonymous computer printouts, dropped in my mail box, cutting (twice) my car brakes, reducing the pressure in the brakes and loosening the main nut and bolt of the right hand front wheel of my car, attempting to set my daughter on fire by pouring petrol on her once, but running away when she screamed for help and, on the last occasion, by throwing petrol and a burning torch at her, but missing her, as she got our of her car and entered the premises of the school where she works. The three of us are absolutely in the dark about who the perpetrator could be. The police want us to name possible suspects for action to be taken. The action involves thrashing the named suspect till a confession or a convincing denial is extracted.

    These occurrences (in a span of almost two years) have been erratic, with no set pattern. The last few printouts have even commented about the acts committed. One even suggested a meeting to ’sort out things’ to his satisfaction, which we responded to by dropping a reply into our own mail box for him to read and meet us as he suggested. It never happened because the coward did not turn up.

    After a gap of seven months, on opening our mail box we found, along with other mail, two extremely brief hand-written notes in English and Hindi on two half pages torn out of a diary commenting on the economic status we have declined to. We suspect that the acts mentioned above are the work of an agent and not of the person harbouring the hatred he feels toward us.

    About a month prior to our receiving the two notes, our car caught fire when my daughter started it to go to school on 1st April. The interior was completely burnt in seconds before our security and neighbours doused the flames with water!

    How do we identify the culprit to enable us to catch him and take lawful action against him?

  5. Stalkers are not only guys. Period.

  6. October 5th, 2010 at 5:01 pm    selena Says:

    I need your help im 14 and im being stalked by a perverted football player

  7. July 1st, 2010 at 5:53 am    Teresa Hill Says:

    Dear Federal Bureau Investigation:

    My name is Teresa Hill of Burnham, IL. I
    would like to share the stalking events taken place by Kyle Turton
    of Florida or New York whom I have not spoken to or seen since 2001 and his family members who are helping him commit crimes against me.
    Kyrle Turton and his family has brought fear and pain to anyone they
    encounter spreading lies and creating hostile environments.

    Myrtle Turton of 1617 W. Carmen Chicago, IL and Kyrle Turton of Florida or New York have been financing every crime act of stalking and harassment. For the past 3 years I have been harassed and stalked by Kyrle Turton Kyrle Turton told his family members where I live. Some of his family members moved into a building located on Burnham, IL three years ago. They have been stalking and terrorizing the community and my neighborhood with vicious lies and money for people who are willing to commit crimes against me and my family members.

    Until three years ago, I have never met or seen these people before. Once they moved in the building in my neighborhood they began harassing me. Some of the residents last names are Weeks, Graham, Garcia, Millender, Hunter, and Martin. The harassment has not stop, but increased.

    FBI agent: If you call these places or local south suburb Chicago police they will have record oh these incidents

    Some harassing and stalking crimes:
    April 22, 2010
    I went to the Calumet City Library after 30 minutes of library
    computer internet usage one of Kyrle Turton’ s family members
    befriended the computer lab attendant who allowed them access to my
    computer usage.

    May 7, 2010
    I went into Lansing Ace Hardware located on Ridge Road in Lansing,
    IL I was followed in the store. The man that followed me informed the
    store clerk that I was a convicted child molester.

    Upon returning home a voice from the building located 14234 S.
    Manistee Burnham, IL 60633 where Kyrle Turton family members live
    said yes we are still stalking you.

    May 14, 2010
    Around 2:00 pm I was followed into Aldi Food Store in South Holland,
    IL located on River Oaks Drive. A black male enter the store stating
    that I was a convicted child molester, store employee stated that
    someone had been in previously and was not true.

    His relatives whom are secretly viewing my internet activity have
    managed to contact every person I have typed or viewed to tell them
    vicious lies about me. They have also given others access to my home
    computer internet. I also believe they are gain access to my home telephone line because they know who I have called and who has called me.

    I cannot fight him or his family his mother is one of thirteen
    children whom have several children. I estimate 200 or more South Suburb of Chicago and Chicago resident. They constantly and routinely
    whenever I am in public inform each other that I am in a particular
    place and to initiate harassment.

    Teresa Hill

  8. April 19th, 2010 at 12:36 am    Matthew Fisher Says:

    I think the best thing to do is to keep mace on you…if you have told someone not to come near you and they attempt to anyway then you can taser them or spray mace on them…this would surely be the last draw when done in public…

  9. April 19th, 2010 at 12:31 am    Matthew Fisher Says:

    I like the never speak a word to the human being again suggestion. i’m surely following this advice. women that stalk you aren’t cute…they will attempt to do anything they can to ruin your life and ruin any chance at another woman taking “their spot”…stalkers are completely psychotic people…i’d be in jail if i did half the stuff this female does…getting a restraining order will only intensify the issue and give the person more attention…now she stalks my family members because i haven’t talked to her in 6 years and she needs to know what i do…i don’t know what to do…i’m scared…she’s like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear…i never know when or where she’ll show up next…she’s psycho…i might consider finding a psychological support group as the article suggests also.

  10. March 22nd, 2010 at 4:56 pm    Autumn Says:

    Some people say that if some weird person is staring at you repeatedly, it’s best to look away, since it might tell the stalker that they are interested or “curious” about them. However, this is not the case. It’s better to look STRAIGHT at them, as it tells them that they should back off a little. And by staring, I don’t mean a timid stare. You should go ahead a glare.

    Stalkers, in MOST cases, go after people that are weak and vulnerable, and who aren’t resistant.

    For example, me and my friend were hanging out in Borders with our parents before our volleyball practice [we're teenagers in high school, by the way] and, of course, we’re wearing our uniform, which is spandex and t-shirts. We’re reading magazines near the front of the store, and after a couple of minutes, we realize that there’s this guy who keeps walking past the magazine rack staring in our direction. I just stare at him, and he looks away as he walked around the book shelves. I had been suspicious of him from the start, and he came back around. We talked to our parents, and my friend’s dad, when he came back around, stepped on his feet. It didn’t stop him though, and he did another lap around the store before I glared at him over the shelves. He caught my stare and left.

    It’s best to stare straight back at them, honestly. It really does help. If it doesn’t, then you should be cautious and very aware of what that person does, and make sure that if it’s starting to scare you, you need to tell someone immediately.

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