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How to Get Rid of an Affair

November 7th, 2009 by admin
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It's the stuff that morning Latin soap operas are made of. Don Salvador and Maria Criselda, a rich married couple, are going through a tough time in their relationship. Don stays late at work because he's carousing with his voluptuous young secretary Vanessa, so Maria Criselda decides to get revenge. She's also lusting for the handsome gardener, Alejandro, who prefers to trim the hedges shirtless. One day, Fernando brings home Vanessa, thinking that that his wife went out shopping. As they go to the living room ready to make love, they catch Alejandro and Maria Criselda engaged in a torrid, passionate kiss. The four exchange looks of shock, horror, disgust, and anger, in four different camera shots. Tune in next week for the shocking conclusion.

While romantic affairs may seem fictitious, they can happen to anyone. Any person can get cheated on or feel betrayed by the one they love. Any affair can take its toll in a relationship, especially when the affair has been going on for quite a while. Your life does not have to get all melodramatic and complicated like a soap opera when you get rid of an affair once it's just starting.

Clarify Your Relationship Status

It's one thing to think an affair is going on, and it's another thing to know an affair is going on. The first thing you need to do is to get your facts straight. You have to know right away that your partner is having an affair with another person, and that affair is threatening your relationship.

Before you take any steps to get rid of an affair, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions:

  • Is there an affair going on? Remember that mistrust begins with suspicion. You should be able to trust your partner enough to know and feel that he or she is loyal to you. The moment you suspect that your partner is disloyal and is betraying you, your trust with each other is compromised.
  • What's the status of your relationship? Sometimes an affair is caused by miscommunication, especially if you don't know your relationship status. While it's definitely a must to keep trust and faith in your relationship, your partner may misinterpret a few things about your relationship. Sometimes your partner may think that an “open relationship” means that he or she can date other people, or have something you would consider an “affair.”

The Burden of Proof is on the Accuser

While it's OK to feel a bit suspicious and have a small amount of paranoia regarding your partner, you need to get solid proof that your partner is having an affair. If you're married, adultery is considered a crime. You need to get some concrete evidence before your accusation can stand. Here are some ways that you can get proof:

  • Audio and video recordings. If you plan to file an adultery case, you need to have solid proof. Audio and video recordings, like tape recorders and recordings from surveillance cameras. You may need to pay a professional private investigator to do this for you. You also need to check on local laws to see if you're not committing a crime like invasion of privacy.
  • Incriminating evidence. Does your partner bring home gifts that are suspiciously not from you? Do you see hickies and kiss marks on his or her body if you sleep together? Did you find a bottle of expensive cologne or perfume hidden in your partner's wardrobe that you know you can't possibly afford? Hunt around for any bit of evidence that will prove your suspicions that your partner is having an affair.
  • Visual and oral cues. If you've been with your partner long enough, and you know him or her deep enough, you'll get to know some cues and signals that he or she is lying to you and cheating on you. Watch for those telltale signs that your partner is lying: raised pitch, nervousness, stuttering, stammering, and changing the topic quickly are classic signs of betrayal. There's also that feeling couples get when they know their partner is lying. Never underestimate the power of feelings and emotions.

Catch Them With Their Pants Down

The best way to get rid of an affair is to catch your partner in the act of having an affair. It may be a romantic date, or if they go to the park holding hands while walking. You may even have the distinct displeasure of catching them in the act of making out, or worse, making love.

Once you catch them in the act, prepare for the worst. Chances are your partner will make all sorts of “explanations” and excuses. He or she might defend himself or herself by saying that the person is “just a friend.” Your partner may even throw a fit and be angry at you for being so snoopy or may even accuse you of having an affair yourself. When your partner gets flustered, incoherent, and if he or she no longer thinks straight, your worse suspicions are confirmed.

Ask Yourself the Tough Questions

Now that you've discovered that the love of your life is having an affair, you need to ask yourself some pretty serious questions. You're the victim, and you're on the receiving end of an emotional beat-down from your partner. Here are some very important questions you need to ask:

  • Do you still love your partner? Face it, your partner had an affair while he or she was committed to you. Are you still able to accept your partner's faults and errors, even if he or she did betray and violate your trust?
  • Does your partner still love you? Affairs are often signs that your relationship is unstable. You may be the most loving and caring significant other in the world, but if your partner does not love you back, it would all be in vain.
  • Can you forgive? It's easy to say that your partner can take this relationship and shove it, but you should ask yourself if you're willing to let the incident slide. Are you willing to forget that the affair happened at all and try to resume a normal relationship with your partner? Or you feel so violated and denied that you'd rather end the relationship on a bad note?
  • Do you still have a space in the relationship? OK, so you're willing to let the relationship slide through, but while it does take two to tango, three is just too many for the dance. If you're willing to reconcile with your partner, then you have to consider where you'll be and who you are in the relationship.

It's Either You or Me

Chances are, one of you has to go. If your partner is having an affair with another person, then he or she has to choose between you and the person he or she is pursuing an affair with. It will definitely hurt your partner to choose, but he or she has to make a decision. After all, your partner was the one who made the conscious decision and effort to betray you, so he or she has to choose.

When you ask your partner to make a choice, prepare to make the ultimate sacrifice. For one, if you do end up still together with your partner who cheated on you, you'll wonder when your partner will cheat on you again. For two, if you break up with your partner, you'll lose the love of your life.

It's never an easy decision to make, but always remember to not let your heart control your head. Be rational, and think it through. You'll end up crying at night wishing you can turn back time, but you'll learn to accept things as they are.

Move On to Better Relationships

Often the best decision to make is to break up the relationship, and move on. An affair is proof that as much as you try to work things out, things are never going to work out. Chalk it up to the many lessons you've learned from love. Trust is not easy to restore and recover, especially if it has been broken once before.

There are many other people out there who will love you unconditionally, would never betray your trust, and would never have an affair right under your nose. There are potential partners out there who will not do anything to break your heart. All you need to do is to break up the affair, break up your relationship with that cheating former partner of yours, and you'll find the one meant for you to love.

Whatever will happen in the next episode of the saga of Don Salvador and Maria Criselda does not have to happen to you. Your love life does not have to be a typical daytime soap opera full of betrayal, slap-fests, catfights, and just about everything that makes a soap opera intriguing. You can live a meaningful, enjoyable romantic life without the drama, as long as you know how to prevent, address, and get rid of a threatening and dangerous affair.


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