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How to Get Rid of Emotional Cheating
October 20th, 2009 by Carmelia
What is emotional cheating? Emotional cheating is a term that's picking up nowadays and it refers to a particular kind of cheating that doesn't involve physical intimacy with your partner and a third party.
How it Starts
Most people do not intend to start on emotional cheating until they get into the middle of it and by then they would find it difficult to back out of it.
Emotional cheating starts small, just the same way as when you start making friends. It can start anywhere--in school, in work, with an ex-boyfriend or even among his or her circle of friends. It can even start online, where anonymity and the lack of a physical presence can encourage one to pursue emotional cheating.
Wherever it started, once your partner goes out of his or her way to spend time with the third party, going to events alone with them and sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with them, then the friendship has effectively evolved into a more serious attachment. When your spouse starts thinking of another person and confiding in them more, then you are effectively dealing with emotional cheating.
Identifying Emotional Cheating
Despite the lack of the physical intimacy in emotional cheating, it can be as damaging as conventional cheating. Emotional cheating can also be quite tricky to identify. However, there are some hallmark traits that you can use when identifying emotional cheating.
- Frequently meeting up with the so-called friend and doing activities with just the two of them.
- Discussing hopes, dreams and fears with a third party.
- Discussing private problems that should be kept between spouses, but instead discussed with the third party as well.
- Being secretive about where he or she goes, keeping certain files in computer private or password-protected.
- Putting aside quality time with his or her spouse to make time for the the third party.
These are just some ways you can identify and ascertain if your spouse is emotionally cheating with you. At the same time, look within yourself and determine on how much time you two have been spending on building and strengthening your relationship. If you think that your relationship has been lagging lately and that your spouse is displaying signs of emotional cheating, then it's time to do something about it.
Dealing with Emotional Cheating
The first thing you need to do is to stem the flow of the tide and that starts with the two people in the relationship. Here are some things that you can do to fix and improve your relationship.
- Level off. Sit down and be honest about what's been going on between the two of you, and how much you know about your partner's emotional cheating.
- No more cheating. Tell your partner to stop whatever it is that's going on between him or her and the third party.
- Be honest. Convey to your partner on your hurt feelings that you experienced upon discovering his or her emotional affair. Try to find out what caused this emotional cheating to take place. Could it be that one of you had been lacking in making the relationship work? If so, what can be done to fix it?
- Be realistic. When looking for solutions in your relationship problems, don't make promises that you know you can't keep. Tell your partner not to expect 100% trust to come back in full force, and that you will need time to cope with what has transpired.
- Be understanding. It's understandable that you feel betrayed and cheated, but you should also try to understand what made your partner what he or she did.
- Work on it. Work to regain back the relationship you once had. Spend quality time with the two of you, and encourage thoughts and feelings without getting into fights. It's not going to be easy, but committing yourself to your relationship means putting your back into it.
- Forgive. To be really able to move on from the incident, you need to be able to forgive your partner completely. Otherwise, it's just a lost cause.
- Focus on the future. Stop looking back on the past and try to move on forward. Learn what you can from mistakes made, but don't dwell on it.
Emotional cheating can be difficult to surmount once discovered, so it's also recommended for couples to undergo therapy to have their issues sorted out. As long as both parties are willing to work things through, emotional cheating can be overcome. If you enjoy reading this article, you'll surely be interested in learning how to tell if you're partner is cheating and how to build a lasting relationship.

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Hard to continue a relationship after this.
Is it possible to have just a fiendship after emotional cheatng?
What if the two of you decide to stop the level of emotional attachment and just be friends. Is it possible to be friends after an emotional affair
People who act as if an emotional relationship is no big deal and its just a way for a spouse to be more controlling of their partner have never had it done to them. I agree that the concept might sound a little silly, and perhaps it is used in situations where it really is just friends. However, if a friendly relationship gets to the point where it is detrimental to a marriage, thats when it’s no good. Everyone needs to have friends and additional emotional support outside of a marriage, but having a relationship that interferes with a marriage is wrong. In my opinion if an outside relationship escalates too far, it can be just as damaging as a physical relationship.
So, my wife is supposed to be my only friend, the only person I care about, the only person I’ll ever confide in, and the only person I’ll ever trust? Is it really betrayal if I care for someone else, but have never been romantic with anyone but my wife?
Wow, why is everyone assuming that her marriage with her husband is in shambles? Isn’t it possible to have a really good friend that is not your spouse? I admit that my spouse is my best friend, but there was a life before her and I had a best friend before her (i.e. my best man). We go to games without our wives, we go to bars and clubs without our wives, and I’m pretty sure there has been some things that I have confided in him that I have not confided in my wife … so this must be taking emotional cheating to the homosexual level. There is nothing wrong with having an online buddy for 10 1/2 years (even of the opposite sex) that you communicate with on a personal level. Getting married is not the end of your life, and she never said that she was unhappy with her husband.
And to M (and anyone else that shares similiar beliefs): We do not need “a God” to teach us morality, that is not the only thing taught in Christiananity or other religions. There is the whole “thank you for sacraficing your life to give me everlasting life; I will live my life for you because I am forever in debt to you for doing so” thing too. I would rather live my life worshipping my God that “might not exist” and lose nothing in the end than to live my life “morally balanced” and lose out on a whole lot more when I die.
This article is lovely n i couldnt have found it earlier than this.thank u very much.
I agree emotional cheating is the same as physical…same thang
Nick: Why do you need a “God” to tell you right from wrong? Do you do good things and refrain from doing bad things only so that you can suck up to God so he’ll let you into heaven, or so you can avoid going to Hell? That’s pretty weak. What people like you don’t realize is that we don’t need a God to tell us right from wrong. It’s simple: if an action will directly or indirectly cause pain and suffering in another (be it emotional or physical) then it is wrong. Period. I don’t need God to tell me that. I can figure it out using my own intelligence and free will, thanks very much. Maybe you should be asking yourself why it is that you need some supernatural external force to tell you what is right and wrong. If you can’t figure that out for yourself, I’d say something’s wrong.
Suzanne: Grow up. If you have a problem with your spouse, deal with it. If it can’t be worked out, end the marriage and pursue your “digital Mr. Right”. One or the other, but don’t continue this B.S. emotional affair behind your husband’s back. It’s weak and it’s not fair to him or to you.
Emotional cheating, I have seen it first hand. It is the same as sleeping around if you ask me. If you are taking ANY aspect of the relationship away from your partner and giving it to another, it’s cheating. Eck. Only a scum would do such bull. This is a rule I follow. If you wouldn’t do it or say it with your partners knowledge, then it shouldn’t be done at all.
P.s. LOVE the article !