People who act as if an emotional relationship is no big deal and its just a way for a spouse to be more controlling of their partner have never had it done to them. I agree that the concept might sound a little silly, and perhaps it is used in situations where it really is just friends. However, if a friendly relationship gets to the point where it is detrimental to a marriage, thats when it’s no good. Everyone needs to have friends and additional emotional support outside of a marriage, but having a relationship that interferes with a marriage is wrong. In my opinion if an outside relationship escalates too far, it can be just as damaging as a physical relationship.

So, my wife is supposed to be my only friend, the only person I care about, the only person I’ll ever confide in, and the only person I’ll ever trust? Is it really betrayal if I care for someone else, but have never been romantic with anyone but my wife?

Wow, why is everyone assuming that her marriage with her husband is in shambles? Isn’t it possible to have a really good friend that is not your spouse? I admit that my spouse is my best friend, but there was a life before her and I had a best friend before her (i.e. my best man). We go to games without our wives, we go to bars and clubs without our wives, and I’m pretty sure there has been some things that I have confided in him that I have not confided in my wife … so this must be taking emotional cheating to the homosexual level. There is nothing wrong with having an online buddy for 10 1/2 years (even of the opposite sex) that you communicate with on a personal level. Getting married is not the end of your life, and she never said that she was unhappy with her husband.

And to M (and anyone else that shares similiar beliefs): We do not need “a God” to teach us morality, that is not the only thing taught in Christiananity or other religions. There is the whole “thank you for sacraficing your life to give me everlasting life; I will live my life for you because I am forever in debt to you for doing so” thing too. I would rather live my life worshipping my God that “might not exist” and lose nothing in the end than to live my life “morally balanced” and lose out on a whole lot more when I die.

This article is lovely n i couldnt have found it earlier than this.thank u very much.

I agree emotional cheating is the same as physical…same thang

Nick: Why do you need a “God” to tell you right from wrong? Do you do good things and refrain from doing bad things only so that you can suck up to God so he’ll let you into heaven, or so you can avoid going to Hell? That’s pretty weak. What people like you don’t realize is that we don’t need a God to tell us right from wrong. It’s simple: if an action will directly or indirectly cause pain and suffering in another (be it emotional or physical) then it is wrong. Period. I don’t need God to tell me that. I can figure it out using my own intelligence and free will, thanks very much. Maybe you should be asking yourself why it is that you need some supernatural external force to tell you what is right and wrong. If you can’t figure that out for yourself, I’d say something’s wrong.

Suzanne: Grow up. If you have a problem with your spouse, deal with it. If it can’t be worked out, end the marriage and pursue your “digital Mr. Right”. One or the other, but don’t continue this B.S. emotional affair behind your husband’s back. It’s weak and it’s not fair to him or to you.

Emotional cheating, I have seen it first hand. It is the same as sleeping around if you ask me. If you are taking ANY aspect of the relationship away from your partner and giving it to another, it’s cheating. Eck. Only a scum would do such bull. This is a rule I follow. If you wouldn’t do it or say it with your partners knowledge, then it shouldn’t be done at all.

P.s. LOVE the article !

Hello Suzanne,
Wow, some interesting responses (cringe). I think you need to give your marriage a try (or at least some more thought) first. Why did you marry this man? Are you happy? Could you be happy if your husband was the man you were texting to and from work, etc.? Where the things you’ve shared with this other man about your marriage? We you just confiding in him and reaching out for a friend. If you think about it, people do this all the time (girls night gossip). The only issue is that you’re doing this with another man. Do you feel guilty about it? All of these questions are things you should be asking yourself. Before saying something to your husband (although, you probably should to “come clean”), please take the time to understand why you’re doing this, and what you’re getting out of it. If you approach your husband and ask for more attention (or whatever is lacking) and ask him how you can improve your marriage, you might make progress. Better yet, seek counselling, either with or without your husband. If, in the end, you both realize the marriage is over, you may consider meeting this other man. Please remember that he is in the same situation as you. He may find that he and his wife can work out any issues they may be having. I don’t think you should be quick to jump to any conclusions, unless, of course, you’ve already worked on everything above. I hope you can find the balance that you’re looking for in life.
~Kay~

Nick is a self-righteous a**hole and Elena is encouraging escapism. Needless to say, both extreme interpretations of and solutions to the situation. Let’s look at this objectively. I think your digital relationship serves a dual purpose: you are gaining emotional support from a third party who gives it unselfishly and the giving is mutual. Also, the secret life your living gives you a thrill indicating your life is lacking. You probably married young. Simply said, this is a metaphysical cancer which has its benefits but will kill you in the long run. Otherwise, this is a disaster just waiting to happen.
I suggest you take up skydiving and splurge on a trip to Las Vegas with your husband. I suggest coming clean, but you can keep this a secret as long as you make the necessary changes: just break up with him and suggest he go base-jumping with his wife. Either way, good luck to you!

Ya! I think you should just give up also! I mean, you’ve been married for 10.5 years, that relation ship is so ready to be thrown away. Besides, that’s always the right thing to do when you don’t feel happy. Give up, throw things away, walk away, and get new ones.
Whatever you do, don’t commit to making your current relationship better. We all know, no one, should ever, do anything that docsnt make them happy or feel better. Working out docent make you happy? Then eat like a pig! Having a child wont make your life happy? (Lord forbid it!) Have an abortion! Dont feel happy being a heterosexual? Sleep with your own kind!
Id recommend maybe getting someone to “do away” with your unwanted spouse.
There is no “god” were all just evolved splats of protoplasm, so there is no such thing as right or wrong, its just hormonal and chemical evolutionary reactions!
Why make a big deal out of it? When you die, you cease to exist, so nothing matters.
In one million billion years or so, the entire universe will either expand till it disperses to death, or it will reimpolde into nothingness.
So even IF you become immortal, and humans evolve to be a supreme being, its all going to end anyways.
Nothing matters.

Or, Im wrong. Then there IS a God, and things DO matter, and there IS immutable right and wrong, and there ARE eternal consequences.

Naaaa, theirs no proof of that, and only idiots believe in things without proof.
Which would include anyone whos ever been married, because at the moment of “I Do”, no spouse has ever opened a window into the future proving they remained faithful and loving “till death do we part.”
They just say so, and the other sucker believes it without proof.

Unless, Im wrong again! and sometimes proof isint why we should believe in something, but we should believe in some thins because they are WORTH believing in.

Naaaaaaaaaa … THATS, just stupid.