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How to Get Rid of Friends
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They say you can never have too many friends. Probably true, as long as the friends remain friends and not just pleasant memories of what used to be. As we age, our personalities, our outlooks, our interests, and our tastes also change. In this process, people may outgrow old friendships as their lives move in different directions. Major changes in your life, such as marriage, can put a strain on the frequency or quality of contacts with old pals. The trouble is, sometimes the other half of these old friendships has not picked up on the fact that things have changed between you, and they drive you to distraction by continuing to hang around as if nothing has changed. They don’t accept the fact that not all friendships are meant to last.
What can you do? There seems to be no diplomatic way of telling someone to please buzz off, the relationship is history. Attempts to break off friendships without causing pain are grist for situation comedy plots; in real life, they are frequently tough to handle. They can be even more painful than a divorce.
Before we go deeper into this, you might want to examine the reasons why your camaraderie with good ‘ol Whashisname or Whatsherface has come to a dead end, especially if breakups are something that happen to you with some regularity. Do you tend to form one-way friendships, where you do all the giving and they do all the taking and then, one day, wake up to what’s happening? Why? Perhaps you are not assertive enough in the early stages of your relationship. Are you not selective enough in choosing friends? People who put themselves down tend to welcome any attention they can get coming from anywhere – even when the attention isn’t all that positive and the long-term prospects for companionship don’t appear that bright.
So, another reason for ending a friendship, besides your having outgrown it, is because, for one reason or another, your friend has hurt you or is not treating you the way you want to be treated. As psychologist Phil McGraw tells us, you have got to take responsibility for how well or how badly your friends treat you: “You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don’t.” Chances are, if your friends are not treating you right, you are probably doing something to encourage and reward that treatment. Identify your enabling behavior and stop it.
There may be good reasons for closing this particular chapter in your life; there may be equally good reasons not to. Has your friend somehow hurt you? Has the friend laid this kind of hurt on you before? Is he or she beyond forgiveness or redemption? On the other hand, is the friend’s behavior suddenly, and for no fathomable reason, “not quite right,” a momentary glitch that could, given time, right itself?
In LifeScript’s “How to End a Fading Friendship“, Emily Battaglia writes you can properly determine that a friendship is not worth saving only after examining what has happened to spell fini to the bond between comrades. If bad feelings have recently developed between you and your old pal, maybe it would be best to wait a bit and use a cooling-down period before proceeding with the last rites.
But if your answer is firm – Bobbie has got to go – would it be better to make it a quick death or stretch it out into a lingering one? That’s up to you; you can choose to drift away slowly or make a direct break. In drifting away, you make yourself scarce to your friend and hope that he or she gets the picture or, even better, hope that the friend is secretly feeling the same way about you. But, if the friend does not pick up on your clues, there could eventually be a direct confrontation, and that amounts to the same thing as a direct break: You have to tell your ex-buddy in no uncertain terms that it’s all over.
When you do so, consider his or her feelings. Avoid being confrontational, argumentative, insulting, or overly apologetic, but do make plain the way you feel at that very moment. Explain that these feelings could change in the future, but right now you want to go your own way.
There are potential benefits to each approach to ending the relationship. Drifting away leaves the door open to reopening the friendship at a later date with no enduring hard feelings involved. A direct break, with its face-to-face meeting and you stating your rationale for ending the connection, can lead to new understandings and pave the way to a rapprochement.
Perhaps the ending of a friendship can be made less painful by heeding the words of the Rev. Sylvain Chamberland (Buddhist Network), who points out that nothing in life is permanent, including life itself. Your friendship began because of some mutual need and attraction. For a time, you had a partner in mutual discovery and growth. That connection has played a role in your evolution, but now it has run its course, and the two of you appear to have little or nothing to give each other. The bond is “now ready to be released. To do so with dignity and compassion is essential to your continued growth and peaceful mind.”
Throughout my life, I have had to cut several “Friends” out of my life for various reasons. Most of these Friends were people I knew in College and Partied with who have drug habits. They are fun people to party with but they continue to use illegal drugs, sometimes excessivly and now that I have a good job I cant have that around me.
The point is, the EASY and painless way to get rid of someone is to simply STOP making contact with them.
1. Dont answer your phone when they call. (get caller ID or a Cell Phone with Caller ID). Just IGNOR their calls.
2. If they E-mail you, just DONT Respond.
If you should Run Into someone at a store or out in public, just say your too busy to talk and You’ve been CAUGHT UP WITH WORK. This is a GREAT excuse because it’s something that is out of your personal control and you can’t help it. Like you WANT to be a good friend, but your just to busy. Not your fault, etc.
Eventually these people will find someone else to LEACH off of.
The truth is, MOST people are only “Friends” because they need a place to stay or someone to lend them money.
If you buy a NICE CAR watch how many people suddenly want to become your “friend”.
i have my old group of my school frnds and they have choosen comerce andi have taken science therfore what should i do leave them or stuck them please help me
My friend isn’t fading, just mean and rude to me sometimes. When I tell her I don’t want to be friends anymore, she laughs like it’s a joke or I’m kidding. I can sort of understand that, knowing my personallity, but when I tell her “we’re over!” multiple times, when will she believe me. This friend is friends with all of my other friends, so it’s hard to avoid her, too
I have been best friends with this one girl for about 3 years now and we were like the closest friends could ever get; that is until last week. She calls me such harsh names, tells people im “stupid”, “no good”, “just good for the streets”, “a backstabing witch”, ect. then she hit me…she left a hand print on my arm. Then last night the same thing happened. I’m not sure what to do but i’m not going to stick around for this any longer.
I am right there with you…initially it’s ONLY depressing to realize how many leeches there are in the world. I just cut two friends off this last month. One of them I have known a VERY long time..but you start to see which ones care and which don’t. After you go thru something traumatic…you will realize this…Even before something dramatic happens…if you are always the one calling them up or texting them first…and they only call annoyingly when they have to vent…they are losers. Not to say that you can’t have best friends that have a lot of problems..but if they are willing to be your shoulder to lean on then don’t leave them out in the rain…sorry to say..most won’t..97% of people ONLY care about themselves…This is a realistic number too..but that’s ok..I just consider them acquaintances. If they are into doing things that are illegal..or just have negative personalities and outlooks on life..then I don’t even take it that far..I distance myself..but I am polite if I ever run into them. I have 2 CLOSE friends and my family…and I am verrry happy with JUST that :). It’s less drama..
I want to get rid of some of my friends ..they anever keep any of my secrets.. plus they stub my back. by talking behind my back judging me even though there are older than me I doing better than them I feel used
let go eazly i mean stop talking to her more and more if she wont give up just stop!!!! if that wont work sit down with he and say ” i like bing your friend and all(she should start to get it) i just think that we have gone diffrent ways” if that still wont work say “bitch pleaze” everytime she talks and give her the hand
i need help. my friend sara won’t leave me alone but she annoys me and is very mean. if i am mean back she gets worse. i do not wanna hang out with her but she calls and then is mean and stuff but at the same time wants me to be her BFF. and i don’t wanna. and she thinks her other BFF is her friend(amanda). but amanda tlks behind her back like all the time. and she rubs it in ppl’s faces that she is hanging out with amanda but amanda rly doesn’t like her. what should i do so that this girl(sara) doesn’t tlk 2 me anymore, won’t say anything mean, and won’t mind if i hang out with my other friend(minie) and sara won’t get mad at me for it? HELP TEEN AGE PROBLEMA
Dont accept calls, emails,etc. and be an complete *** hole and be unconcerned about anything they want to talk about when in person…Pretty some they will get the picture or save time and just tell them how you feel;-)))
Good Gurl, u have a very odd problem. - If you are also 9, I suggest u turn ur phone off. 9 year olds have a very short attention spands. She’ll give in.
I NEED HELP NOW
ok this girl is calling my cell every ******* min and she is like 9 years old and she reads over the phone on one of her supid hannah montana books and i hate hannah montana i am a atheist anfd she is a C (((((((((( if u know what i meen ))))))))))))))
i need help to get rid of her i make up lies to get off the phone with me and tell her i cant talk now because im sick but she calls every ******* day
please help me
I have this friend that I’ve known for only a year. And at first he wus okay and we had alot in commom but, when i started to get to know him better my feelings changed towards him. Its not because I just suddenly started to dislike him, its just that he has ALOT of personality traits that doesnt fit in with my group of friends//on top of that, none of my other friends like how he acts and dont rly enjoy being with him. Well here are the reasons: He has a tendency be rly egotistic(you couldnt argue with him) and hides behind excuses instead of excepting things, hes also a very sore loser, he puts people down, he smacks my friends in the head or arm whenever we say something ‘he’ thinks is stupid(its is only real defense). And the most annoying thing is that he seems embarrassed to be with us whenever we talk about stuff that we like(and acts like he doesnt know us). There is more, but u people get the big picture. I dont want to get rid of him(my guilt would kill me), but instead I wanted to kind of make him realise wut he is doing, because i my opinion: he doesnt know that wut he is doing is annoying. He has already started to go quiet, and started to block me on msn. I’m fine if we arent friends, but it would be less if he were just to change. So any suggestions? O>O
Its a little harder that just saying go away or stop talking to me. I try to just leave them alone and don’t talk to them unless they’re coming to you first, because chances are they really want to be friends with you.
I don’t think ending contact (phone calls, emails) necessarily means ending “the friendship”. I wish more people could understand that concept. I just don’t like to be pursued relentlessly with emails and phone calls. Just because I don’t call or write you back does not mean I no longer consider you “a friend”. It may mean my life is just on overload (and your needing time is just another “to-do” on my list)….!
There are some so-called friends that borrow money from you with no intention of paying it back and make plans to do stuff and you end up always footing the bill because they see your vulnerabilities such as kindness and generosity. I had to get rid of these people. They suck the life out of you. They are just fair weather friends. It sucks because you may think you know these people after 14 years, and you finally realize they are cons. It’s depressing and disappointing to end friendships, but don’t allow people like that to walk all over you. I learned the hard way and just stopped contacting them, will not respond to any of their phone calls. It’s as if they never existed. But you have to remember, they never cared or had your best interest in the beginning. They are leaches, and who needs people like that??
dont listen 2 sean his is **** if u tell a friend they’re immature they’ll tell u ur a buzzkill or a nerd
This one is good….”go away”
Well just tell them they are immature.
wow i have the same **** problem with this stupid girl in my school. she wont leave me alone and has hurt me recently hard in the past, she insulted my boyfriend and thought she could get away with it so i told her that we should stop talking for a while. that was a month ago and during that WHOLE time she kept TALKING AND TALKING to me!!! and then she got mad the day after i had told her we shouldnt be friends and gave me a note saying she didnt want to be friends with ME which was exactly what i told her! plus she totally backstabbed me about it.
so for the past month she has still been talking to me! i’ve told her all the time i didnt want to go deep into this, than last weekend she kept calling me so i finally picked up the phone and talked to her, and she sent me an email apology but got ****** when i told her that it wouldnt save anything and she gossiped to me with another girl who emailed me (she totally gave out all of my personal info, well except phone #) and then the girl was trying to FORCE me into being friends with the other person.
now i was so mad because i cant trust that girl and still she thinks everything is cool and were b.f.f’s! ugh i hate her so much and no matter how much i ignore her she talks to the back of my head! i totally want to get rid of her for good, she is so annoying and i cant stand her, plus she’s always purposely making fun of my singing when she sounds like a cow in constipation!
Goodness help me!
If you wanna get rid of a friend, just say ‘I dont wanna be your friend becuase…’ and include the reason u dont wanna be their friend. I understand u might not wanna do this becuase you are afraid of your friend, or u wanna be mean. If your afraid of your friend, get proffesonal help, or tell someone u trust. If u don’t wanna be mean. Just slowly start ignoring your friend. It won’t hurt their feelings, and their eventually get the hint.