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How to get rid of stuff » Personal » How to Get Rid of Friends
 

How to Get Rid of Friends

April 11th, 2007 by MartinDodge
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FriendsThey say you can never have too many friends. Probably true, as long as the friends remain friends and not just pleasant memories of what used to be. As we age, our personalities, our outlooks, our interests, and our tastes also change. In this process, people may outgrow old friendships as their lives move in different directions. Major changes in your life, such as marriage, can put a strain on the frequency or quality of contacts with old pals. The trouble is, sometimes the other half of these old friendships has not picked up on the fact that things have changed between you, and they drive you to distraction by continuing to hang around as if nothing has changed. They don't accept the fact that not all friendships are meant to last.

 

What can you do? There seems to be no diplomatic way of telling someone to please buzz off, the relationship is history. Attempts to break off friendships without causing pain are grist for situation comedy plots; in real life, they are frequently tough to handle. They can be even more painful than a divorce.

 

Before we go deeper into this, you might want to examine the reasons why your camaraderie with good ‘ol Whashisname or Whatsherface has come to a dead end, especially if breakups are something that happen to you with some regularity. Do you tend to form one-way friendships, where you do all the giving and they do all the taking and then, one day, wake up to what's happening? Why? Perhaps you are not assertive enough in the early stages of your relationship. Are you not selective enough in choosing friends? People who put themselves down tend to welcome any attention they can get coming from anywhere – even when the attention isn't all that positive and the long-term prospects for companionship don't appear that bright.

 

MadSo, another reason for ending a friendship, besides your having outgrown it, is because, for one reason or another, your friend has hurt you or is not treating you the way you want to be treated (If you're finding ways to dump your friend, read Top ten ways to ditch a friend). As psychologist Phil McGraw tells us, you have got to take responsibility for how well or how badly your friends treat you: "You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't." Chances are, if your friends are not treating you right, you are probably doing something to encourage and reward that treatment. Identify your enabling behavior and stop it.

 

There may be good reasons for closing this particular chapter in your life; there may be equally good reasons not to. Has your friend somehow hurt you? Has the friend laid this kind of hurt on you before? Is he or she beyond forgiveness or redemption? On the other hand, is the friend's behavior suddenly, and for no fathomable reason, "not quite right," a momentary glitch that could, given time, right itself?

 

In LifeScript's "How to End a Fading Friendship", Emily Battaglia writes you can properly determine that a friendship is not worth saving only after examining what has happened to spell fini to the bond between comrades. If bad feelings have recently developed between you and your old pal, maybe it would be best to wait a bit and use a cooling-down period before proceeding with the last rites.

 

TalkingBut if your answer is firm – Bobbie has got to go – would it be better to make it a quick death or stretch it out into a lingering one? That's up to you; you can choose to drift away slowly or make a direct break. In drifting away, you make yourself scarce to your friend and hope that he or she gets the picture or, even better, hope that the friend is secretly feeling the same way about you. But, if the friend does not pick up on your clues, there could eventually be a direct confrontation, and that amounts to the same thing as a direct break: You have to tell your ex-buddy in no uncertain terms that it's all over.

 

When you do so, consider his or her feelings. Avoid being confrontational, argumentative, insulting, or overly apologetic, but do make plain the way you feel at that very moment. Explain that these feelings could change in the future, but right now you want to go your own way.

 

There are potential benefits to each approach to ending the relationship. Drifting away leaves the door open to reopening the friendship at a later date with no enduring hard feelings involved. A direct break, with its face-to-face meeting and you stating your rationale for ending the connection, can lead to new understandings and pave the way to a rapprochement.

 

Woman thinkingPerhaps the ending of a friendship can be made less painful by heeding the words of the Rev. Sylvain Chamberland (Buddhist Network), who points out that nothing in life is permanent, including life itself. Your friendship began because of some mutual need and attraction. For a time, you had a partner in mutual discovery and growth. That connection has played a role in your evolution, but now it has run its course, and the two of you appear to have little or nothing to give each other. The bond is "now ready to be released. To do so with dignity and compassion is essential to your continued growth and peaceful mind."

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  1. July 31st, 2009 at 10:53 pm    luke Says:

    omg this kid wont leav me alone. when my girlfriend r tlkin he just comes up and starts actin all retarded and stuff i cnt stand it some1 plz tell me how 2 get rid of him ……… ive tried everything

  2. June 13th, 2009 at 10:09 pm    patrick Says:

    I have read a few of these posts, and I thought to myself while reading them, (ya know i’ve thought the same thing). I’ve always been a loner with a few close friends. One thing i’ve never understood is how people can keep up appearances so well, when it comes to hanging out with everyone in the group. i’ve always sucked at that. i seem to make as few close relationships as possible and stick with it, then after a while i’ll fade out, i mean just cut off all communication. its liberating. so i agree with life changing direction, and friends, i mean how many times can you travel down the same damn road? And then a few months later someone calls me up needing help, and I always say ‘YES’, i dont regret helping out friends in need, its just when all is said and done, they are probably dishing dirt on you with other people, so i just adopted the thought process of, ‘Who cares’, life is much simpler with that thinking. Now granted some friends are better than others, (do not talk behind ur back), but sometimes i just feel used.

  3. June 11th, 2009 at 10:19 am    courtney Says:

    hey i hear u on that i been thru many obstacles i mean alot but i aint mentioning since i aint dwelling on it but lets just say u learn from it and we dont nee people like that i relize my friends r all like that its always been like that but you know what im better off not having any in away cause ik eventually i will find people that actually care about me and appreciate me we are strong human beings dont let anyone treat you like that.I learn to get more respect from people im still working on it to each day.I relize the way i think was because i listened to people all my life so now i relize i need to think for myself and now im doing that so u know people just think postive i wish u the best of luck.Im still figuring out things to day by day and i know i will im still young im 26.I also relize that im amazing im sweet i have a big heart and etc stuff you all mention i never had anyone treat me good or i was by myself mainly but u know what i relize i would be rich lol right now but now ik i hope this helped remember dont be a victim we are strong and deserve the best.

  4. June 11th, 2009 at 10:10 am    how do i get people to stop thinking about me when they are mad,depressed or just in general Says:

    Hey my name is courtney i just wish people would stop thinking about me and comming to me with their problems thats the only time they think about me or wanna see me is when they need me to get something from me well enough is enough if i wanted to help someone on my own then thats different i always help people all the time but sometimes you just wake up and relize something needs to change and i want these people out of my life well i mean friend and people that i dont want but they need to stop thinking about me and being negative not healthy

  5. May 16th, 2009 at 8:28 pm    Lacey Says:

    I have had this guy in my life for a while now, and he is absolutely obnoxious and completely childish. He has liked me for two years, and he thinks we are friends when I don’t consider us to be friends in reality. I’ve been ignoring him, and he kind of got the idea, but not totally. I have my sweet sixteen coming up, and I really don’t want to invite him, but he slipped his address in my bag with a note telling me to put him on my guest list! Not only does he have this annoying habbit of rubbing against me (esp. when I am claustrophobic and I don’t like when people who I don’t trust/like touch me) he also acts completely desperate around me… I need to tell him to get out of my life in a not harsh way, which is pretty much impossible for a person who choses the reality that he wants to accept. I hate being in situations like this one. Any advice/tips?

  6. February 14th, 2009 at 11:06 am    sarah Says:

    I have this friend, I’ve known her sisnce we were five years old (now we’re 13), but she is so annoying, and nobody likes her, not my other friends or my parents or anybody because she’s rather weird and there’s something about her, I don’t know what, that just isn’t normal, and everyone’s telling me to leave her, but it’s like every time I pluck up the courage to tell her, then I don’t and what bothers me most is that she doesn’t like me hanging out with anyone else but her, because she doesn’t have any other friends than me and that really annoyes me,, and I rlly don’t want to be her friend any more but I don’t know what to do

  7. November 27th, 2008 at 6:58 pm    hollie Says:

    I have been having problems with one of my close friends.we were best friends since 4th grade and now are room mates in college.she just can be really aggresive and rude sometimes.she uses alot of “just kidding”,”never minds”, and her most frequent “oh nothing”.
    she is always bragging about how rich she is and all the stuff she has..well the only reason why she has all those things is because i gave her the idea of buying them.she copys my every move and now it’s to the point where i don’t even think she can do anything for herself.i want to stop this friendship before it comes to that.the only thing i can’t stand is when she says “i love you,your my best friend and i couldnt live without you..ect.”
    last night she smaked me across the face because i didn’t get her what she wanted for her birthday!!c’mon can you really be THAT mean.

    I need help so that this doesn’t happen again.dont want to hurt her feelings on the way.

  8. November 23rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm    lizzie Says:

    i have been best friends with this girl ever since we were at little, and she’s supposed to be the person i confide in bla bla, you know best friend stuff but all the while we have been friends the bad things about her outweigh the good things. i know i should have tried to stop being friends with her sooner but after 10 years i cant.
    She basically bullies me, calls me names, expects me to be her lapdog and makes it impossible for me to stay with a guy long enough that it can be a actual relationship. like it says in the article, she really doesn’t respect me at all and i dont have any respect for myself because i let her walk all over me when i know i shouldnt.
    but like abby (below) we have the same group of friends and i know that if i try to break friends or say anything to her shell try to turn all our friends against me.
    ive tried to say to her stop being so immature but whatever i say she turns it on me and is 10x meaner. i just dont know what to do!

  9. September 24th, 2008 at 5:36 am    How to cut people off Says:

    Throughout my life, I have had to cut several “Friends” out of my life for various reasons. Most of these Friends were people I knew in College and Partied with who have drug habits. They are fun people to party with but they continue to use illegal drugs, sometimes excessivly and now that I have a good job I cant have that around me.

    The point is, the EASY and painless way to get rid of someone is to simply STOP making contact with them.

    1. Dont answer your phone when they call. (get caller ID or a Cell Phone with Caller ID). Just IGNOR their calls.

    2. If they E-mail you, just DONT Respond.

    If you should Run Into someone at a store or out in public, just say your too busy to talk and You’ve been CAUGHT UP WITH WORK. This is a GREAT excuse because it’s something that is out of your personal control and you can’t help it. Like you WANT to be a good friend, but your just to busy. Not your fault, etc.

    Eventually these people will find someone else to LEACH off of.

    The truth is, MOST people are only “Friends” because they need a place to stay or someone to lend them money.

    If you buy a NICE CAR watch how many people suddenly want to become your “friend”.

  10. September 7th, 2008 at 11:31 am    jayesh(jack) Says:

    i have my old group of my school frnds and they have choosen comerce andi have taken science therfore what should i do leave them or stuck them please help me

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