International Day Against Homophobia is celebrated every May 17 to call respect for gays and lesbians all throughout the world. Homophobia is a very real problem in society today and many hate crimes result from it. Discrimination, verbal abuse, physical abuse and social stigmas may result from homophobia but the root cause of it all is fear—people and society's unwillingness to accept and understand homosexuals and homosexuality.

Homophobia: How Does It Start?

If you find yourself feeling fear, discomfort or even disgust with a person for no other reason than their homosexuality, then yes, you are having homophobic feelings. But before we discuss how to deal with it, we have to understand where it all came from.

Prejudice: An Accepted Social Cancer. Prejudice, being prevalent in every society, is one of the leading causes of homophobia. In many communities, homosexuality is a generally accepted taboo. Homosexuals are branded as lesser individuals since they do not conform to the gender preferences set by societies. People, in response to that general notion, are offended at the mere sight of gays and lesbians, which leads to name calling, violence and a few parents disowning their homosexual offspring.

You have to prove something. Of course, the roots of homophobia are not always clear-cut and are usually complicated and deep-rooted. Some psychologists say that homophobia may arise from a person, usually male, to assert their masculinity and identify themselves away from anything that may undermine it, which they perceive homosexuality does. This may explain why homophobia and homophobic jokes and “insults” are commonplace in sports, where hyper-masculinity and the alpha male culture is the name of the game.

Defeat Prejudice, Understand What You Fear

Homophobia is ingrained in the minds of some people as they grow up, given the way societies see homosexuals. A good way to battle homophobia is to outgrow it as if it is a traumatic childhood memory. Of course, before you eliminate something unwanted from your system, you should make an effort to understand the thing that your fear. Here are five simple steps:

• Step 1: Where did it all start? - Try to look back into your own past to figure out why you have become a homophobe. Can you recall people in your past who have been very openly homophobic? Who spoke negatively of homosexuality to you and other people? These people may have influenced you, consciously or unconsciously, with your own homophobia. Ask yourself why they behaved the way they did, and why you have accepted these beliefs yourself.
• Step 2: Keep an Open Mind – To understand homosexuality, the logical first step is to keep an open mind. You don't have to necessarily immerse yourself in homosexual communities from the get go. A simple research about gays and lesbians is a start. You can use the Internet to know the term's non-prejudicial definition and how homosexuals behave as individuals or when they are with their communities. Your fear will eventually die down, since you have an idea on how these people act and react.
• Step 3: Talk to a Non-Homophobe – Homophobes will not know how to act when they are with a homosexual. Someone who can supply that knowledge is a person who does not fear homosexuals. If you have close friends who are open minded about sexual orientations, you can ask them how they view homosexuality. Allow them to explain how they get along with homosexuals. From their experiences and opinions, you can get an assurance that homosexuals are really just normal people, with unconventional practices.
• Step 4: Try Communicating with a Homosexual – Approaching a random homosexual is of course, out of the question. Instead, you can meet up with your friends and ask them to tag along some of their homosexual buddies. Start with a general conversation for the entire group, where everyone gets to tell their own tales and opinions. When everyone gets comfortable, you can approach some of the homos for chitchat. You will then realize that many gays and lesbians are enterprising and strong willed, which are pretty notable characteristics.
• Step 5: Consciously Steer Away from Homophobic Acts. If you want to talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk, right? Stop making cruel homophobic jokes or comments! It's counterproductive and only reinforces homophobia not just in yourself, but in other as well. Stop doing it. Don't even join in when someone starts on it. It may be hard, but you'll get there.

Once you have communicated with homosexuals, you will see them in a more level perspective. You might still subject them into teasing, but only for the sake of fun and not ridicule. Just so you know, gays and lesbians are generally enjoyable buddies, as long as you know how to deal with them.

“Brave” Fronts: Why Discriminate Yourself?

Sexuality is a funny thing. Just when people have it down pat, another category like “bisexuality” or “metrosexuality” has to be created just to keep things neat and labeled. Some people try to pass themselves as heterosexuals by being homophobes. In some cases, closet homosexuals are extremely harsh and aggressive towards gays or lesbians, so they can stray as far away as possible from any suspicion. They will continue to attack homos until the truth behind their actions begin to manifest. Of course, not all disguised gays are harmful to fellow homosexuals. Let's just say that there are mild-mannered individuals and there are radical ones.

Don't give in to labels, and don't try to force yourself if they don't fit. If you are uncomfortable with calling yourself a homosexual, you can at least admit that your tastes are not conventional. Even gay people themselves admit that even homosexuality is not black or white, gay or straight: There can be other distinctions and fine lines in between. As long as you are not abusing others, take a good look at yourself in the mirror and accept that person as he or she is. Stop hating yourself and you stop hating others.

Embrace Your Skeletons

Accepting the truth is not an easy feat for closet homosexuals. With their opening up comes all the social consequences of being gay. In a nutshell, some closet homosexuals must deal with homophobia and the fear of being gay at the same time. Here are three steps to help you embrace your sexual orientation:

• Step 1: Know Which is Worse – Homosexuals are indeed ridiculed in many societies but what they feel pales in comparison to the effects of keeping the true nature of your sexuality hidden. Gays and lesbians can choose to view insults as noise, while closet homos, masquerading as homophobes, are perpetually preoccupied by their internal conflicts. You should know that the results can be fatal if the person is not strong enough to handle those conflicts.
• Step 2: Accept the Truth – Living a lie is not easy. You have to put up your guard at almost every instance. When you accept yourself for who you truly are, you will feel liberated. You will experience lower amounts of stress and pressure. Of course, you will have to deal with much ridicule once you open up but words can only do so much. For all you know, those people ridiculing you are suffering from greater amounts of insecurity, which is why they are poking fun at you in the first place.
• Step 3: Know That You Aren't Alone – Opening up entails much courage and willpower. Not only are you going against the norms set by society, but you are also bringing down your front, which your friends and loved ones have accepted. You can tell a close friend or a family member about the truth and your plan to embrace homosexuality. They will eventually understand after you explain your horrible dilemma. If not, you can join a few gay communities. They will surely accept you for who you are, with no questions asked.

Other Things You Can Do

• Look Back. Another way of humanizing homosexuals and getting rid of stereotypes is to look back to people you have known and befriended. You may be surprised to find out that some of your closest friends back in high school or college are gay, or have recently come out as gay. The fact that you had normal, functional relationships with these people will clue you in that it is not impossible to relate and be friends with a gay person after all.
• See a Shrink. Repression and rage are really bad for your mental and physical health. Homophobia causes these to a lot of people, so if you think your homophobia is getting way out of hand, maybe it's time to see a professional. You may also be suffering from other psychological disorders that feed your homophobic tendencies that you're unaware of, so let the experts help you out.
• Support Help Groups. Call it as winning back good karma or the ultimate test on your sincerity with getting rid of your homophobia. You don't have to be an active participant or show up in meetings—just donating money to help groups helping out kids who are bullied and persecuted because of their homosexuality goes a long way in helping you, too.

The Final Word...

Knowing yourself is a good thing and acknowledging your homophobia is the first step in overcoming it. Less than a hundred years ago, apartheid still existed and African-Americans were considered second-class citizens and now, all that has changed. We can do the same and get rid of homophobia forever. Changing your outlook helps in the struggle for homosexuals to be recognized and respected as our equals and as human beings.