After a nasty divorce, you feel that your mom is entitled to her own happiness. You’re supportive of your mom’s decision to find another man in her life, and she’s finally found someone. The only problem is that your mom’s new boyfriend is just not right for her; while he acts like the perfect boyfriend when he’s with your mom, you know deep inside that he’s a wretch of a human being. He may have hooked up with your mom just to use her, and that you know he really doesn’t love her. Wish you could save your mom from another heartbreaking experience? Here are some tips to help you get rid of your mom’s boyfriend.

Rationalize Your Feelings

Before you think of getting rid of your mom’s boyfriend, you need to put your feelings and actions in perspective. You need to ask yourself, “Why am I getting rid of my mom’s boyfriend?” At the start, you may want to do so for all the wrong reasons, like:

• Jealousy. After the divorce, your mom gave you all the attention and affection you’ll ever need. You’re best friends, you’re buddies, you’re each other’s closest friend. Now that your mom has a new boyfriend, you feel that your mom no longer has time for you.

• Resentment. You know your mom divorced your dad for all the right reasons. While your mom is with a new guy, he still has the same attitudes and qualities that your mom found in your dad.

• Fear. You feel that you and your mom did very well without a dad, and you think that your mom will make a big mistake if she pursues this whole new commitment. You don’t know how to adapt, especially because you’ll have to make whole new connections with a whole new guy who’ll eventually be your stepfather.

It’s important to talk to your mom about her situation. Explain to her that while you’re happy she’s moving on with her life, you feel a bit left out or neglected. It’s not that you don’t want a stepfather, but explain to her that whatever decision she’ll make about her life will directly affect you. Show her that you do care very much for her happiness, but you’ll both have to adopt to the new situation as best you can.

Give Him the Benefit of the Doubt

The first thing to remember is that you can never be in control of your mom’s feelings. You may not like the guy, but he’s the man your mom loves. Whether you like the guy or not, you have to be happy for your mom since she found a way to move on and make herself happy.

Remember that your mom went through a lot to make sure you feel loved, that you’re safe, and you’re not deprived of care and affection. Now, it’s your turn to be supportive of your mom. The guy may really care for your mom, and that you yourself are blinded by jealousy or prejudice towards him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he can be a good husband and a good stepfather.

Most of all, don’t compare your mom’s new boyfriend to your own dad, because they are two different people. In time, you may even find that your mom’s boyfriend passes or even exceeds your own expectations.

Get to Know His Real Motives

Romance is always driven by a motive. Good romance starts with genuine love, care, and affection. If your mom knew her new boyfriend for years, then it must be love. But if she just met him at a singles bar for a couple of nights and then they became an item, then surely there must be something wrong with the relationship. Maybe your mom’s new boyfriend is only playing with her feelings, or is out to leech on the divorce settlements.

Be discreet when you’re gathering background information about your mom’s boyfriend. Get to know really important things about him. Here are some important questions that should guide you about your mom’s boyfriend:

• Does he hold a steady job? Your mom may not know it, but her new boyfriend may be a jobless slacker who only wants to mooch on your family’s savings, insurance, and other sources of income. Check to see if he is capable of supporting a family comfortably and without hassle.

• Does he have other girlfriends? Maybe your mom’s boyfriend is a younger man who has many girlfriends already, and is just using your mom as a “trophy” girlfriend.

• Does he treat other people well? The least you want for your mom is to be the girlfriend of a violent, irresponsible wife-beater. Get to know if your mom’s new boyfriend has any violent tendencies or past criminal record.

• Does he treat you well? Your mom’s boyfriend must be someone you can get along with. Remember that if they do stay together eventually, he’ll also have to spend time with you.

Sometimes your mom will come across that particular boyfriend that she always warned you about. Maybe your your mom’s boyfriend really is a slacking, womanizing, irresponsible, two-bit bastard that will only hurt your mom and wreck your lives. As much as you tried to do things the right way, your mom still won’t budge. She still insists on staying with her boyfriend, even though you know how much of a scumbag scalawag he is. Here’s when you have to take matters into your own hands.

Take More Responsibility

One of the most effective ways to get rid of your mom’s boyfriend is when you start taking more responsibility around the house. Show your mother that you are more than capable of taking care of household responsibilities and chores even without a father. Look for part-time jobs that don’t conflict with your studies and family time. Soon your mom will realize that in your situation, maybe a new boyfriend is more of an option than a necessity.

Play the Spoiled Brat

Sometimes you need to get a bit down and dirty with the things you have to do to get rid of your mom’s boyfriend. Instead of dealing with your mom, you could deal with the boyfriend himself. You don’t have to be a born spoiled brat to act like one; all you have to do is give him the impression that you can be a handful, and he doesn’t want anything to do with a stepchild like you. Here are some ideas to play the part of a spoiled brat:

• Ask him for his car keys. If he’s really rich, go a step further and ask him to buy you a new car.

• If it’s almost your birthday, ask him for unreasonable gifts. Be matter-of-fact when you ask for something like a 52-inch plasma screen TV, a home entertainment system, or a five-night stay at a five-star resort hotel in Acapulco.

• If he tries to strike conversation with you, don’t warm up. Try to be obscure and vague with your answers. A good way is to act far more intelligent than he is and make him look like an idiot. If he asks you how was school, talk about how you had a bit of a problem with a Fourier series based on a Hilbert space model, but you figured out that you only had to simplify it to a Riemann-Lebesgue Lemma. Chances are, he’d be intimidated and would have no idea of what you’re talking about.

• Call him “Dad.” There’s nothing that will turn off an irresponsible and pathetic excuse of a man better than the idea of being a father.

Write Your Mom a Letter

If your mom still won’t budge, or if she feels a bit offended that you don’t value her happiness, write her a letter. Don’t worry so much about what she wants to hear, but just write down what you have to say. Tell her that you’re sorry if you go a bit overboard in trying to get rid of her boyfriend. Tell her what you really feel about her boyfriend, and that she deserves more than the guy she thinks could make her happy. Most of all, tell your mom that you love her and that you’ll try your best to make her happy.

There are some boyfriends that you’d like for your mom, but not the lying, cheating, slacking jerk she now has. With these tips, you can get rid of your mom’s boyfriend and show your mom that maybe there’s true happiness in just being who she is: the best mother anyone could have.