Posted on: February 3, 2009 Posted by: Nicole Harding Comments: 1

Crushes are bad news! They distract you from studying, doing homework, and winning out on the field. Crushes can make you a Debby Downer if you don’t do anything about them; they’ll make you miserable through inaction. Ditch that longing attitude and make the best of a tragic situation with some emotional maturity. This is how you get rid of a crush:

1. Accept your feelings.

Don’t fight the feelings! They aren’t rational; emotions don’t work that way and you’ll never get anywhere trying to fight strong emotions head on. You need to work with what you have and manipulate the situation around yourself.

Understand that having strong feelings for another human being is entirely natural, and that it comes and goes. You aren’t going to die from the pain of love lost on its own.

2. Get mentorship.

Don’t listen to your parents about ‘puppy love.’ They don’t know what it’s like to be a teenager or experience real love. Wrong! Your elders know all about this stuff. They’ve been through it before, and they have the wisdom to know how to deal with it, or they should, anyway. Don’t ask your parents or older siblings if they never really grew up or if they’re just a little basic.

You aren’t the first one to go through this kind of feeling and you won’t be the last. You don’t want to hear that your body’s hormones are messing with your judgment, but that is indeed a part of it.

The other part is that you probably haven’t been alive long enough to possess the wisdom that comes from moving on from bad relationships. Even if you’re out of college, you might not have had the time to date seriously.

Talk to your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, or even friends. Try to talk to people who are older than you. Being older doesn’t guarantee knowledge, wisdom, or emotional maturity, but it does increase your chances of learning something useful from experience that you have yet to acquire for yourself.

3. Write it out on paper.

Don’t type it! Write your thoughts out by hand. Writing out your feelings by hand has a different effect than typing them into a word processor.

Doing this before bed is especially helpful as it empties your mind of thoughts. Your mind doesn’t actually empty itself, of course, but writing things down does prompt you to articulate your fears, concerns, frustrations, and regrets. Writing them down imposes a sense of order on the emotional chaos swirling around in your mind. It all seems so much more trivial on paper too!

Don’t let people see it: especially if you have troublesome siblings or “frenemies.” Those thoughts exist on paper to help you alone. Nobody else needs to see it. Anticipate the prying eyes of potentially nosy family members. Don’t be melodramatic about it by passive-aggressively leaving the diary open on your bed, or something silly like that. Process your thoughts like an adult and don’t make a scene over it.

4. Create rituals.

Morning and evening rituals will go a long way toward stabilizing your mind. Losing control of your feelings is one of the worst things that can happen while you have a crush, so take back your state of mind.

You’re the one who decides when your days begin and end, so go through a calming ritual of some sort. The rituals can be anything, but they should last for 10-15 minutes. A ritual can be sitting outside sipping on coffee while doing absolutely nothing, or it can be a session of slow stretches before bed.

You might read for 15 minutes, or you might even put your thoughts of the day into a journal entry.

Serious crushes can prevent you from sleeping at night, so an evening ritual will be among the most important things that you can do for yourself. Stretch for 10 minutes and read for another 20, or recite something near and dear to your heart. Listen to music.

5. Exercise regularly!

Exercise is an all-inclusive solution to anxiety, mental health, and physical health. You’ll sleep better, you’ll expend your excess energy every day, and you’ll feel better about any insecurity you might have.

Exercise solves a lot of problems that might have baffled you so far. Go for a run, a jog, or even a walk. Do this in a quiet place, such as a nature reserve or a local park. Even the outskirts of town might have long highways along which you can walk in relative solitude.

Clear your mind and cleanse your body.

6. Tell your crush.

Consider telling your crush about your feelings if he or she is mature enough to handle the situation with sensitivity. You’re probably on this page because you think that this won’t end well, and you’re probably right. There is a time and a place for such things, yet the middle of a class or a quick hallway meeting are neither.

Make sure that there aren’t any obvious mechanisms that will backfire on you before proceeding.

Don’t do this if the person is taken by someone else. The movies lied to you, and it creates a huge mess for everyone involved. Don’t tell the person that you love him or her, even if the person is open-minded and available. You will become the laughing stock of your juvenile institution, and life will definitely get worse if the person is already taken.

7. Walk Away.

Accept that some of your traits aren’t necessarily flaws. The other person just might not be that into you. Stubbornness in one person’s eyes can be perseverance in those of another.

Some people just don’t jive—that’s not anyone’s fault or a huge problem, it’s just reality. There are seven billion people that exist in this world. You’ll find someone long before it’s too late, so don’t stress too hard over getting a significant other. Distance yourself physically and mentally. Don’t talk to the person either if you need to part ways.

That’s how to get rid of a crush. You don’t need to attempt some impossible challenge; you just need to be realistic about how you feel. Be honest with yourself about it even if you think that you might seem immature or at fault in the eyes of your friends. Take a step back, fill your days with rituals that clear your head, and reassess why this crush has made life so difficult.

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