Posted on: February 4, 2009 Posted by: Nicole Harding Comments: 0

It’s undeniable that the most important aspect of any relationship is trust. Think about it: without trust, how can you really embrace your partner?

You want to trust your significant other just as much as you want them to trust you. But what happens when you have a nagging suspicion that they should not be trusted?
Are you just being paranoid, or could this really be happening? It’s time to get to the bottom of it.

Affairs happen to a lot of us, and are actually quite common. Don’t blame yourself.
The first step in this process is to determine whether your suspicions are correct, and to take a good look at your relationship. If it turns out to be true, continue reading to discover how to get rid of the affair.

1. Analyze your Relationship

The first thing that you must do in order to tackle this problem is to take a deep look at your relationship.

First, you should clarify your relationship status. Think about the communication you’ve had with your partner about your commitment to one another. Have you agreed upon exclusivity?

It’s possible that there has been a misunderstanding between the two of you. If this raises some questions for you, talk to your partner about relationship expectations. Another question that you should ponder is why you feel as though you can’t trust your partner.

Mistrust is a big deal. It can destroy relationships. Think about why it is that you feel suspicious. Is it because of past experiences, or something your partner has done before?
Thinking about the reasoning behind your mistrust will give you the clarity to move forward.

2. Know the Signs

If your partner is in fact cheating, you will likely be able to notice it based on the way that they are behaving around you. So, before going to extreme measures, pay attention to the following cues for the next few weeks. If they line up well with your partners’ behavior, you may have reason to worry.

The first sign is a lack of presence. This can count for both physical and emotional attendance. Is he or she away from home more often, or for longer periods? When they are home, are they acting distant? People tend to check out emotionally when they are feeling guilty about something.

If they accuse you of being overly jealous or too ‘in their business’, it’s likely that they have something to hide. Oddly enough, they may even accuse you of having an affair in order to get rid of attention from themselves.

If he or she is acting secretive with communication devices, it is possible that they are worried about being caught. It’s normal for people to want privacy, but if they are going out of their way to hide their communications from you, there is some basis for suspicion.

Pay attention to any physical pieces of evidence. Is your partner bringing home questionable gifts? Did they get a new credit card, and why? Do they come home with signs of physical contact, such as hickeys or messy hair?

3. Catch them in the Act- Communication Devices

If you’ve spent some time pondering these signals, and still strongly believe that your partner is having an affair, it’s time to take your investigation to a new level. It’s time to find out the truth once and for all.

You must get some concrete evidence before your accusation can stand. Here are some ways to get solid proof:

Listen in on their phone conversations (if they use a landline). You may choose to do this by recording them, or quietly listening in on another line.

Pay attention to the call history on their phone bill. Are there any lengthy calls with a phone number you don’t recognize?

If you’re feeling bold and desperate enough for information, take a look at their personal communications (such as text messages, emails, social media etc.).

4. Catch them in the Act- Tracking

Try a GPS tracking device. You can slip this into their vehicle without them having any idea. If they tell you they will be working late, pay attention to where they wind up going. Did they tell the truth?

Check their car mileage. Does it add up with what they’ve been telling you?

5. Catch them in the Act- Change your Routine

If you and your partner live together, and you suspect that the affair happens in your home, changing up your routine is a great plan.

Change up your schedule without letting them know about it. If you’re usually gone at the same time every day, it’s likely that this is when they meet up with the other person. Come home for lunch randomly, or pop in at times they wouldn’t expect. If they are messing around with someone in your living space, you’re bound to catch them in the act eventually.

6. Steps for going forward

So, your suspicions wound up being correct, despite your secret hope that they wouldn’t. Now what to do? The key is to take a long hard look at yourself and your relationship. Ask yourself the tough questions, and answer them honestly.

First off, is this act forgivable? No one likes to be cheated on, but people tend to differ in their opinion as to whether it’s forgivable or not. Determine how you feel about the situation, and whether or not you see yourself being able to forgive.

Secondly, do you still love your partner? Ask yourself if you can visualize loving them as much as you did before this happened.

Also, do they still love you? Ask yourself why they would choose to have an affair. Was something wrong in your relationship? Do they simply not love you anymore? Do they want to be with this other person?

After pondering these questions, you’ll have clarity in terms of what to do next.

7. Road 1- Staying in the Relationship

If you choose to forgive your partner and continue forward with your relationship, there are a few crucial steps to take in order to have any chance at success. Tell your partner your expectations are going forward. Also let them know the consequences of failing to follow these steps (i.e. losing you for good).

Let them know that you expect nothing less of pure loyalty from here on in. Tell them that they must earn your trust back by always being truthful.

You may also choose to see a relationship therapist to help you get to the bottom of the reason behind the affair. Discussing any issues that have been left undealt with can only strengthen your relationship moving forward.

If you are choosing to forgive, you must commit to this decision and take the proper steps toward a better future.

If you are going to dwell on your partners’ mistake forever, choosing to continue the relationship will be disastrous.

8. Road 2- Moving on

If you’ve decided that your relationship must come to an end, it’s important to take care of your emotions.

Focus on the positives in your life: great friends, your career, and so forth. And, remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. There is someone out there who will love you unconditionally, and who would never even think to have an affair.

Even though it may not seem like it now, you will move on eventually. It is absolutely for the best.

Cheating happens. Unfortunately, you’ve fallen victim to this common relationship sin. Now what? Well, you’ve got two options. Forgive and continue, or dump and move on. Getting rid of an affair isn’t easy, but you can’t live like this any longer. Don’t give up hope! Soon this unfortunate reality will be a thing of the past.

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