Posted on: February 12, 2009 Posted by: Nicole Harding Comments: 6

Everyone will go through heartbreak in their life, and regardless of how long the relationship was or who ended up breaking it off, both parties will be hurting in some way. In some cases, you may find that you are still experiencing feelings for an ex. This is completely normal, but you can’t stay this way forever.

Even if you think that the two of you are meant to be together, you did break up for a reason. Even if it is possible that the two of you will be together again, counting on that happening will prevent you from healing and moving forward again. Getting rid of the feelings you have toward your ex is the best thing that you can do for yourself now, no matter what happens in the future.

1. Use your feelings

After a break up, many people find themselves tempted to try and shut their emotions down and not feel anything. This often feels like the easier option in the moment, but shutting yourself off is never the solution. You have to let yourself feel first in order to take steps forward.

The end of a relationship can be a very painful loss. Just like grieving for the death of a loved one, you will need to let your feelings out. Take the time that you need to grieve for your relationship before picking yourself up and preparing to move forward.

2. Use your friends

One of your best resources and avenues for support are often your closest friends. They will all want you to move on and be happy, and are often willing to lend a listening ear so that you can let your feelings out. Don’t keep things bottled up to yourself; open up and let someone help you.

3. Write a letter

If there are things that you never got to say to your ex during the breakup, take the time to write out what you want to say to them. Imagine that this will be a letter to them, or that you are speaking to them directly. This can act as the goodbye that you need to provide closure.

4. Make the right physical adjustments

After you have taken the time to let yourself feel what you need after the breakup, it is time to make some adjustments in your life to help you get rid of those feelings.

The first thing that you should do is to cease all contact with your ex. Do not text or call them even if you feel like you want to, and stop looking at their Facebook profile. Even if the two of you want to remain friends, this isn’t possible when the break up is still fresh and one of you still has lingering feelings for the other.

Taking time away from your ex will provide you with perspective and give you the space that is necessary to truly move on from them. Staying around and having contact with them will not only make the process longer, but it will also be more painful for you. You can resume contact with them in the future, but for now try to avoid them as much as possible.

5. Dealing with memories and mementoes

Every relationship comes with countless memories. Now, you cannot actively get rid of the memories themselves, but you can focus on other events in your life so that you don’t find yourself thinking back on them too often.

Additionally, you can pack up all the gifts and things that remind you of your ex. If you wish, you can donate these to charity, but you may want to consider just putting them in storage. It may hurt to remember now, but in the future you might be very glad that you still have these mementoes.

Chances are when you were with your ex, the two of you developed a routine together. Now is the time to change it so that you can fill your life with new possibilities and not focus on the memories causing you pain. Maybe the two of you loved this particular coffee shop, but now you can only think about your ex when you go there. Why not find a new one?

6. Moving forward

Letting yourself feel at the end of the relationship and making physical adjustments in your life provides a good foundation for the process of getting rid of feelings for your ex. Now it’s time for the final step: moving forward.

The most important thing when you are moving on and getting rid of feelings for an ex is to give yourself permission to do so. You deserve every bit of happiness that your future might hold, but you will not be able to take hold of it if you don’t allow yourself to do it. Perhaps you can try looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that it is okay to let your move on and be happy.

7. Look on the bright side

Another important reminder for yourself is to always look on the bright side of things. It could be small things like having complete control over the television remote or being able to sleep diagonally across your bed.

Maybe your ex was a negative influence in your life, even if you loved them. There is always something bright to look forward to if you try and find it. Now is the perfect time to embrace the good things in your life.

8. Keep yourself busy

As humans, we are more likely to find ourselves dwelling on the past when we are bored or simply do not have anything to do with our time. That’s why when you are trying to get rid of feelings for an ex, it is very important to keep yourself busy.

You can spend time with your friends, focus on your job or education, or even pick up a new hobby. Have you always wanted to learn a new language or sport? Now’s the perfect time to do it. The busier you are, the less time that you will have to dwell on your ex. Before you know it, those feelings will be gone.

The most important thing to remember when you are getting rid of feelings for your ex is that you need to take your time. These feelings will not disappear overnight, and depending on the length of the relationship, the intensity of your feelings, and how the relationship ended, moving forward can be a long process. It is important that you do not get frustrated with yourself. Healing will come in time, and you will have brighter days ahead of you.

6 People reacted on this

  1. Excellent article… All true about how much a first love means to you. But how come the ex (When male) is far quicker to move on and actually settle down with a new girl and fall in love with them than the woman of the breakup is?

  2. yeah I’m also curious about why the guy can always move on faster, even if he was the one that was dumped. Great article though, but I must say, all that is easier said then done.

  3. My ex after almost a year said she needed space we lived like an hour away anyway, and then she said she wasnt gonna break up with me and that same day she left me…we were so good together everyone, (including me) thought we were the same and were gonna be together…she even told me she wanted to marry me and have kids with me like 3 weeks before…i can’t get over her and its been a little over a month now. She only told me we weren’t connecting and that i’d be ok…now she only talks to me if i text or call her…other than that i get nothing..i tried going after her because i love her so much just like in the movies, but i guess you can’t always get a happy ending, now i’m left with so many memories and everything around me reminds me of her like its a sign or something.

  4. In order to get over one, you have to find something to keep yuo occupied so that you don’t think about them. then remember that they forgot about you and are prpobably in a new relationship. don’t think about the bad memories think about the happy ones and just think that you are not broken up. do nice stuff for them and make them happy. but know that in reality you are just friends.

  5. Very useful article, however i hope it was that easy…
    I think it takes more than one years to feel better. my question would be why if one never got the chance to break up the way it should be…

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