Posted on: October 9, 2008 Posted by: Nicole Harding Comments: 31

Jealousy is like a poison. We’ve all been down that road. It is difficult to avoid the moments in life where we can’t help but feel down on ourselves. More often than not, this feeling comes from that sensation of envy that we tend to experience when we take a look at other people’s “better” lives, appearances, successes, and so on.

Sometimes we compare our lives to others even if this unrealistic. Take, for example, a famous celebrity. Being exposed to his or her attractiveness and wealth can make you feel inferior in comparison. Jealousy has the potential to hinder our overall happiness and potential in life. It can ruin relationships, friendships, and our overall sense of confidence. Here are some tips to consider when you are trying to get rid of jealousy.

1. Remember the keys to confidence.

Many of us aren’t born with confidence. It takes years of practice to find a feeling of self-assurance, but it is certainly possible. Try following the ‘fake it till you make it’ method. If you make these steps a part of your routine, they will eventually become natural to you. If you feel confident in yourself, you are less likely to feel inferior to others.

Try standing up straight, and appear ‘approachable’ to others: avoid crossed arms and legs. You want to be inviting, so be sure to look others straight in the eye.

Remember to smile. Even if it isn’t real at first, a smile can send positive vibes out to those around you. These vibes in turn just might uplift your own mood. You should also learn to laugh at yourself. Experiencing something embarrassing could be your worst nightmare. However, if you learn to laugh it off, you will soon realize that you are able to handle anything. Everyone makes mistakes! Don’t let these mistakes get you down.

2. Don’t compare yourself.

Comparison is the most significant aspect of jealousy. If you are able to avoid comparing yourself to others, you will experience a new-found sense of freedom.

A good way to judge this is by valuing imperfection. Use your flaws as a learning experience, rather than as a chance to make you feel bad. We are all constantly growing and improving throughout our lives—there is value in failure.

Be sure to remember and accept that everyone is different (and that this is a good thing). Variety keeps life interesting! The grass always seems greener on the other side. The person that you are jealous of has likely experienced feelings of inferiority just as often as you have.

A good way to pinpoint your jealous feelings is to write down why you are comparing yourself to this person. The written word inspires reflection, and will help point you towards an answer or a solution to your jealousy. Remember that you can never change who you are. If you spend your life wishing to be someone else, you are doing yourself a great disservice.

3. Think positively.

When you are feeling down, remind yourself of your positive qualities. If it helps, write them down and read them over for a quick pick-me-up. Reflecting on what you do well puts your life into perspective, which is always a plus!

A positive spin can be placed on almost anything that you may see as a negative event or quality can. Does the person that you have feelings for has feelings for someone else, for instance? Don’t get jealous of this person. Realise and accept that you and your crush were not meant to be and that someone better is going to fall into your life eventually, or just enjoy the perks of the single-life. There is almost always a way to find a positive angle.

4. Get rid of toxic people and things.

Avoid ‘following’ people who make you feel jealous on social media websites. “Unfollow” Kim Kardashian on Instagram. You don’t need to know about her new $10,000 accessory. If influences like these are out of sight, they will eventually be out of mind.

Try your best to avoid media that shows an ‘idealized’ version of beauty. This is very difficult to do, but it is a necessary step. If exposed to such mediums despite your effort to avoid them, just remember that this is only a single (and very narrow) outlook, and that there is no need to internalize these ideals.

If there is someone in your life who brings you down (especially if it is intentional), talk to them about how their actions make you feel. If they do not change their ways, you may have to cut them out completely for the benefit of your own happiness.

5. Find an outlet for negative feelings.

Negative feelings can be turned into something productive if gone about in the right way. As suggested previously, when you are feeling jealous, write it down. You can make these experiences it into art through writing, and you will likely experience a feeling of release in the process.

Put your negative energy into self-improvement. If you are jealous of someone’s physique, dedicate time to join a gym. Make the decision to lead a healthier lifestyle. For example, exercise is a great way to channel negativity into something of value that is healthy for you at the same time.

6. Realize that you have control over your own life.

Most of us have things that we wish we could change. Some things we are forced to accept. However, most of the things that people tend to feel jealous about you can in fact change in a healthy way. If you feel jealous of someone else’s accomplishments, use this as motivation to work harder at achieving your own goals.

Just remember, if the change you want to make is a healthy one, go for it. Use the feelings of jealousy as motivation to improve yourself. This way, you will no longer feel the need to compare yourself to those around you.

The feeling of jealousy is something we have all faced at some point in our lives. No matter how ‘perfect’ someone’s life may seem from the outside looking in, chances are that they have experienced jealousy of someone else as well in their lifetime. Who knows—someone who is rich, famous, and beautiful may be jealous of your simpler lifestyle. Just remember that confidence in yourself is the first step to overcoming jealousy. If you feel good about yourself, you will feel no need to compare your own life to those of others around you. Good luck, and remember that getting rid of jealousy is a process: it will not happen overnight. However, when you do reach confidence, you will attain a sense of freedom you may have never thought possible.

31 People reacted on this

  1. if you are jealous then thats a sign of low self-assurance which i have plenty of!!!
    you need to sort this problem out by thinking of all the amazing things you’ve got that others haven’t
    if you can’t think of any that means your not thinking hard enough…

    good luck

  2. I am engaged. I am happy my fiance is in my life. I am a very jelouse person. In the back of my mind I have had some things happen to me in the past and i cant let them go. All my ex’s have treated me like crap. they always saw another girl, they always looked and lied about it. I found a really loyal and sweet boyfriend who has ben through more than you guys will ever know. I wish i could be in his shoes to understand. im the only girl that has ever cared about him. but my jeoulsy has takin over me. He dosent even check other girls out but i think he does and that paranoid i have. I dont wanna loose him and im gonna try thses steps. thank you

  3. i just lost my boyfriend of 2 years because i couldn’t controle my jealousy, so girls, listen to me now, if your man still loves u do somethng about ur jealousy before it is too late! you dont’ know wat u got till its gone!

  4. im a really jealous person and i hate it. its like my boyfriend is always on my mind and i cant help thinking bad thougts then i start to feel angry and jealous. when im out with him i feel like he is always looking at other girls when i know he isnt. stupid little things that happen play on my mind and i just end up arguing with him and at the end of the argument i cant even remember why we was arguing in the first place. jealousy has taken over me and my personality and i hate it.

  5. Not a tip but a question /= my mom doesnt allow my dad to play anygames or watch any tv channels with a female in it. she says SHE ISNT JELOUS but its plain in site she is jelous and just want attention 24/7 me and my dad was playing Soldier Front from Ijji then i can hear my mom all the way in my room and shes nagging/screaming at him and hits his power button and makes me disconect to. so then i tryd to stop it. i did for awhile then she came out of nowhere trying to start it again. CAN SOME1 PLEASE Email at on how to stop this? cuz im sick of there stuff my mom done threatend that she would leave or my dad could leave but niether 1 ever leaves and its been going on since b4 i was born so says my dad and mom and i really just want it to stopT.T

  6. I am so jealous of my husband……….no idea why the little green monster always gets the better of me. I have a very strong character and so does he. I am paranoid about his every move, especialy when he isn’t around me and at work for instance. I don’t think he spends enough time with my son and I and I honestly regret that he doesn’t becuause he has a beautiful wife and an intelligent son……
    A short while ago I found out about him and a girl at his work, they were phoning each other during the day and sending each other text messages. I believe God works in mysterious ways becuase my son was sick and I didn’t have my cellphone so he gave me his phone, when I got home she sent him a message saying that she hopes he isn’t upset about what she said to him earlier on and he should phone her. I was ready to explode. He said it was nothing.
    I have always been a very jealous person and I am afraid if I don’t change I will lose my husband forever.

  7. i am a very paranoid and jealous person when it comes to my boyfriend of about 2 years. he says that i am beautiful and sexy but i still feel that he finds other woman “sexier” i recently had his child and it taken a toll on my emotions. im so scared i am going to loose my boyfriend because of my insecurities that i can’t control.
    i hate to leave his house thinking he will go and call up another girl or say GOOD shes gone. i want him to want me and cherish me.
    but even when he says good things about me, i put it on the back burner like i want him to say even more good things about me, so that he will see what he has. i have this problem and i wish someone could help me, i don’t want to loose him. i fear i will if i don’t stop this.

  8. hmmm.. this isn’t a tip but aking for advice..

    well, i have a boyfriend and we broke up for a reason that..
    he wanted us to grow individually coz that time.. we always have arguments..etc..etc.

    months later, he realized, he was wrong in breaking up with me..
    and wanted us to be friends again.. i gave him chance..but
    im bothered with his other friend.. coz that girl always txt him, call him..etc.. i know that he isnt inlove with the girl, but i have a feeling that the girl does… i always explode everytime that girl talks to him.. i cant control what i feel.. i really really hate that girl! plss.. help me.. what must i do??


  9. How I Got Rid of My Jealousy Issues.


    First off everyone is *DIFFERENT* all types of sizes, intelligence, humor, out-going-ness or shyness that men love about us. First off you have to think to yourself. Hes going out with YOU. He’s chosen you out of all these girls that he could have been with or might of been with. You have qualities in you that no other girl has. Your the only one he sees and comes home to. Everyone can appreciate beauty even us ladies, com’on now when we see a hot guy we check it out and tell our girlfriends about it lol, if he checks out another girl in public with you, bring it to his attention not all naggy and bitchy but just tell him not to do it in front of you or that it bothers you. I’m sure he’ll re-affrim his love for you, and be more discreet about it in the future. But your man loves you, sees beauty in you that we might be too caught up to see because we emphasize our insecurities to the ten-fold. Whether you have nice eyes, legs, a big rack lol, a nice ass. what have you, or all of the above (lucky) lol its all part of you. Your personality is part of you and what makes each of us unique. We sometimes create these fantansy worlds in which we see our man cheating or flirting with another girl but fantasy is far from reality. We need to stop these negative thoughts dead in its track and girls Pamper yourselves! Go get your hair done, go shopping go get your nails done, feeling sexy boosts your confidence and lets your man know how lucky he is to have you.
    Looks fade. Personalities are set in stone for life, and thats what EVERYBODY ends up with when we’re all old and wrinkly lol. That girl that you think he *is* checking out, has NOTHING on you, not your character, inner and outter beauty, jokes, intelligence, determination and all of the above.


  10. I’ve been like this since my “best friend” stole my boyfriend in fourth grade. I’m almost 35 now & I’m more violent now, even though i’ve been sober for over 2 yrs. I have my first psychiatrist appt this week, my mom has been trying to make me go for yrs. The jealousy, rage, insecurity, and obsessions have overwhelmed me. My fiancé & I are exhausted from dealing with my broken brain, we both joined a gym and workout 2-3 times a wk just to help me. Uuum I have to workout in the womens gym so I don’t see him checkout other girls (he doesn’t cuz he’s afraid to with me) but I can’t do a full workout because I end it so I can” catch him in the act”. It’s all in my head I know but if 1 more person tells ME that, I’ll snap (just did the snapping, that’s the reason for the crazy doctor. I’m actually excited at the prospect of getting some peace up there. Please say a oil prayer for me, myself and I & I’ll be doing the same for all of you, if you made it to the end of this “tip” ha ha.

  11. thank you for all the tips…it feels so nice to know that i am not alone. in the past i was in a relationship for almost three years,2 yrs into our relationship i found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me, it was a very unhealthy relationship, he treated me like crap,and even hit me once,but i still stayed with him for another yr even after i found out he cheated on me…pathetic i know,im ashamed to even admit it.i broke up with him later on.6 months after the break up i got into another relationship and i have now been dating the guy for almost 2 years and a half,were planning on getting married soon but im scared we wont make it.after my horrible relationship with my ex, i have not been able to trust i guy. even though my fiancee spoils me to death and is the ideal guy any girl would dream of being with, my jelousy is killing our relationship…i am veeeerrryyy jealous,when i say jealous i mean paranoid and i hate it,i hate that side of me.its gotten really bad that im scared to even let him out of my sight for one second,or even hit the beach with his buddies.he’s been very supportive and he avoids going our with his buddies just so he dosent upset me,and i hate being the reason he put a stop to his life.i hate how i have become and i need some serious help before this perfect relationship ends on a bad note.he is the best thing that happened to me and i dont want to loose him….someone please help me,how can i stop this???

  12. Hello i have problem to about jealousy its more difficult because me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship he is divorced and has 1 sweet kid and me to have previous relationship and 2 kids. The problem was im always jealous even if he told me that he and his ex was nothing they need talk about there kid. Sometimes i feel so sick about it that we argue about that. I know he is trust worthy and he loves me and i love him so much to but omg if i feel jealous then all the good stuff he did for me was forgotten and the monster eyes commin up we was just communicating through camera… Help me what should i do to make me feel better?

  13. I have been in a bad relationship over 3 years , the guy has been cheating on me with many different women and treated me like crap .
    I have found a new boyfriend , a very sweet , loyal one , but my paranoia that he will do the same to me as my ex did is bugging me ..
    i have become very jelaous and very fearfull of our relationship , he is just so good to me and that makes it even worse cause i’m very afraid to lose him .
    in addintion , he had a one night stand before he knew me with some girl , and now , she is trying to flirt with him . he turned her down but its driving me crazy! the thought that he might cheat on me with her is so hurtful to me.. even if i know he would never do that ..
    olso i cant get the picture of them together out of my head.. i know he never loved her , and it was just a one night stand long time ago , but its making me jelaous.

    i dont know what to do 🙁

  14. my partner and i used to argue certain things about jealousy, and sometimes accussing me of things i don’t even do..example looking at a cute or handsome guy makes him think that they will take me away from him..
    i am not that perfect woman and we dont even have that perfect relationship, sometimes i think that i am also being too childish and think that he always flirt with some other girl,and really makes me feel bad..
    i really wanna get rid of it,or get rid of feeling jealous about my husband’s being can i get rid of that? plz help me..thank you very much and more power..God bless..

  15. ive googled jelousy for the first time 😉 ive been feeling paranoid and getting really horriable dreams. ive been with my boyfriend for 9 years. he doesnt really flirt or anything like that, but there was this time not long ago i brought an old friend from when we use to go to school and every time id turn my head he would be staring at her. it was fricken annoying. here i am all looking my best and he was checking her out all night. pisses me off. i work hard for everything. i workout, i have killer arms that everyone notices and him of all poeple just looks and says oh very nice, not much of a big deal to him. so all confidance was there untill she came along, i dont even want her over any more cause he just seems to be attracted to her. i said myself thaat only her and i will be going out now but in the back of my mind its really stupid to not all of us hangout becasue of my annoying jelousy and c.mon i think im much prettier. i would totally post pics but theres no option for that lol. im so glad ive gotten this out on the net wouch is really funny cause ive never done this before. it makes me feel good i can tell a stranger my insecurites casue i would never have the guts to tell anyone i know. its embaressing. cant even tell my boyfrind. but after this article i will share it with my boyfriend if it happens again, cause she is supppose to come this weekend. so will see what happens. hopefuly i dont have to kick her out 😉

  16. Thank you so much for this. Its made me see where Im going wrong. I cleary have a bit of both tbh. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and also that isnt long. Ive become very jealous and paranoid that he is going to walk out on me anyday. I dont know why it is, but i dont feel im good enough for him as Im the 3rd girl hes been in love with where as he is the first for me. Hes friends with 2 girls, Sophie and Laura. He classes then both as little sisters. I know I should get jealous but i do and everytime i say somme thing i start an agruement. Im forever asking if he still wants me and loves me.

    Im just hoping that with this, I can stop it all and we can be happy.

  17. Hi i was jst wondering is this site stl active nd will i get a response frm atleast one person cause im in desperate need of help me nd my gf has been together nw for one year nd eleven months nd for the recent few days i have seen her we always argue the arguements are all my fault nd i would love to believe that i have reason to b jealous but in actual fact i dnt . I am always the one to end up crying nd she doesnt feel a thng until my tears fall. Everytym we argue i am the one 2 suck up my pain…

  18. To “Bliss”, excellent advice my friend. I have to say, I’m bothered by the fact that this article is addressed to women, as if men do not experience jealousy. Women do not have have the monopoly on the green eyed monster. Men suffer just as much, if not more from this difficult emotion, and there can be hell to pay from the wrath of both sexes when it gets out of control. I have suffered from jealousy in an abnormal way I would say, and I would agree that self confidence issues have a strong relation to it. I have found that communicating with my partner in a non bitchy way, as “Bliss” suggests, has helped a lot. He would much rather I didn’t feel like that. I believe that there is such a thing as relationship ettiquette. Much as we all know it is unrealistic to think our partners will never look at another attractive member of the opposite sex again, we don’t really need our noses rubbed in it. If our partners make too many lustful comments about other people, we become like a buddy instead of a romantic partner, and we fail to preserve our sexual and romantic energy as couples. We wouldn’t have drooled over other people on a first date, so why do it now? We just have to have some manners to keep the spark alive and be kind to,and appreciative of each other.

  19. Hey..i have a wierd jealousy guy is totally commited to me…and i know that….yet evrytime he hangs out with friendz or family or just has fun..i get jealous!! i have no idea y! even though im dead sure he’d never cheat!!! what can i do?? and why the jealousy with him having fun!!!!!!!

  20. I was going with this guy for a year and a half and i finihsed with him becos he betrayed me and i started seeing my fiance and while i was seeeing my fiancee my ex boyfriend was very abusive to me he hit me all the time and shouted at me also he chased me around with a knife but now am very jealous and paranoid with my fiance and i know he will never cheat its in my head 24/7 and its destroyin my relationship with my fiancee and i really need to sort things out when i talk to him he sayss i love you bt he hasnt loved anyone as much as me he says bt i dont listen is it me tht is the problem?? xx

  21. This isnt a tip but im 15 and me and my boyfriend broke up, and we still wanted to be best friends. well i still liked him so i stopped talking to him so i could get over him and then i when i was ready we started talking again. promises are a BIG part of our relationship, we both promised to never forget about one another and always be friends. but yesterday i found out he started liking another girl, and i BLEW UP i could not keep myself together. i got soooooooo jealous. one of the reasons was because the whole time me and my boy have been talking i’ve been sooo afraid that he would start talking to that same girl. sure enough he did. shes everything im not. shes very very very beautiful, shes really really nice, smart, and everything a guy like him could ask for. i seriously dont know how to control this jealousy, i would do anything. i’ve always been such a jealous person since i was a little girl. i hate being a jealous person, i just really really need help.

    please tell me what i should do 🙁

  22. I want help but I have no job right now to get conseling. Im kind of ruining the best relatioship I have ever had. Because of jealousy, I want it to stop. He resurre me that I’m the only one but I seem to mess up right when were going good. And I Dont think it help us that he leaves to mom after we fight but kinda of does at the same time. Some one please help I love him so much but I’m hurting him.

  23. This is amazing, I’ve read up stuff on this before but never anything that sounds so like me. The description in the first few paragraphs, I found myself laughing about, because it is so like me. I’m going to try and change myself, because I can’t go on like this.. It’s good to know I’m not alone like I initially thought 🙂

  24. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and out of those years 1 1/2 years i’ve developed jealousy issues, because i found a condom in my kitchen draw and i know the person he was trying to use it with but it’s my neighbor and he still talking to her mother and her sister who lives next door too. It seems like he’s always defending them over me no matter what i say. It’s like they can do no wrong but i’m the one who get’s the worst of him and they get his joy. I feel if we move he’d still be going over there. They call him practicly on a daily basis. Do something for them and don’t even tell me and he get’s mad at me for this and then his friend who he hooked up one of the sister’s with tells me your going to lose him. Well i’m assuming he’s been talking to this friend often. Where am i at when this happens and of couse his girlfriend goes back and tells her mother and her sister shit. What do i do about this? We never had this problem before. I feel we came to va alone we had no one but ourselves but now he feels he has to bring in other female people. Let me know what to do.

  25. I’ve had a long distance relationship for almost a year until July when we finally moved in together. Ever since moving in together I have found myself being extra paranoid and jealous then when we were long distance. Somehow it was easier to trust then than now. I am unsure why but I find myself paranoid about this particular girl. She is a friend of my fiances and he has mentioned that in the past he had a crush on her. He is very faithful and loyal yet in still it drives me up a wall because he is constantly doing favors for her. Even when he takes me with him I feel like they flirt behind my back. He does also happen to have many female friends and now I’m just starting to feel constantly jealous about any girl he talks to. I wish he had more male friends because it would better reassure me. Earlier today he disappeared somewhere and its still in the back of my mind, was he with a girl? I want these feelings to go away especially about his particular friend. I can’t understand it for the life of me why he would help this girl that just constantly uses him without a than you. We made a promise recently not to let anyone get in between us. He says he doesn’t want anyone but me forever and we are about to get married. I really need help because I am afraid I might mess up a very good relationship.

  26. Yeah there’s this girl who’s kinda making her rounds with all the Guys in our circle of friends. Right now she dating my boyfriends best friend, but after that the only one left is my bf, so I’m worked he’ll leave me for her

  27. Hi..I have a problem…I have a boyfriend who is 1yr younger to me and he proposed me when he was 19yrs old and now its like more tan 2yrs…..from the last two to three days am havin doubts about him with one of my classmate.they started chatting and all…..and am a little insecure…..usually they don’t…but he is not the flirty kind of guy…..I do my best to make him feel happy with me… I tink tat he was in this relationship at a very young age so nw he wants to be free…..and enjoy his life instead of being stuck with me….please help me bcoz I feel so low wen he doesn’t notice me….and I feel he is not interested in me anymore…..I need serious help

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