Posted on: April 13, 2007 Posted by: Nicole Harding Comments: 78

You’re not in a Hollywood slasher flick, but stalkers can be very real problems. They don’t know how to express themselves in a healthy way, and their alternative methods often leave the other person feeling creeped out, unsafe, or outright violated.

Stalkers operate with an odd mindset of affection and hatred, all of which is glued together by the person’s obsession with someone else. Get rid of stalkers with this guide to protect yourself.

1. Recognize a stalker.

Stalkers can all be a little different and often sneaky by definition. It’s important to identify early signs that these people might be following you a bit too closely.

They’re often intelligent in the strictly traditional sense, but they lack emotional intelligence. They often can’t relate to you or others because they just don’t know how. This is one of the reasons why stalkers operate in the manner that they do.

They’re also generally pretty self-centred, which feeds into stalkers’ lack of emotional intelligence (more commonly known as empathy). They don’t think about what others want. You’ll probably notice this if you’ve spoken to the stalker in some form. They can also be quick to anger, although this may appear to be a flustered or frustrated demeanour in public.

2. Check for their friends.

Stalkers often don’t have friends. This is the difference between someone checking you out from across the room with a group of friends and a person staring at you while sitting alone. Their inability to form meaningful friendships stems from the same root problem as their inability to interact with members of the opposite sex. They just don’t understand how to court people.

Joined at the hip to a stalker’s social awkwardness is a fleeting sense of ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ Most people have some sort of relatively effective moral compass that tells them when an idea is good or bad.

This person might just not have all of the components necessary to empathize with others; you don’t need to feel sorry for the person stalking you, but you can understand how he or she operates a bit better. The person might even be sociopathic—read up on sociopaths or watch Dexter to get an idea of how such a mind operates in a world of empathetic people.

3. Know your type of stalker.

There are several different kinds of stalkers. Know which one currently trails your footsteps in order to understand how to deal with him or her. The first type is a “passive” stalker.

This kind of person has never had a serious interaction with you if they’ve even met you before. They fantasize about being in your presence, being your significant other, or another kind of close relationship. These people tend to be passive and observant. They’ll stick to the shadows without interacting with you (generally).

Delusional stalkers once had some sort of relationship to you that has now ended. They won’t leave you alone after you’ve clearly broken away from them. They don’t necessarily want to hurt you, but they tend to believe that the ends justify the means; being with you justifies making your life difficult.

On the more extreme side, vengeful stalkers want to hurt you. They want to exact revenge upon you for a perceived slight or wrongdoing. These are usually the most dangerous ones, and will take the most action against you.

4. Control your online presence.

Cyber stalkers can be any of the three types covered above. The “cyber” label encompasses the stalker’s digital habitat rather than the motivation. Stalkers can still observe you from afar online, just as they can exact revenge upon you online. The digital world gives the person more windows into your life.

This is why you need to control your online presence carefully if you think a stalker is on your tail. It’s not fair, of course—why should you need to restrict your online footprint for some other creepy person? It’s about discouraging the stalker and defending yourself pre-emptively.

5. Sweep your home.

This idea is kind of like checking for monsters under your bed; the idea is to give yourself the peace of mind that you need to get a good night’s sleep. This article can’t help you much if the person has already broken into your home, but you should still check around the outside area of your home for any signs of intrusion.

Look for trampled gardens and suspicious cars parked around your home or workplace. Also ask your neighbours and co-workers about these things. Your eyes simply cannot be everywhere at once—ask people to keep an open eye for you!

6. Take precautions everywhere.

Assume that the stalker could become violent. Don’t confront the stalker and most certainly do not engage with the person while alone. Use your dog strategically if you have one, and take it with you if you’re going out for an evening stroll. Just don’t let yourself be in a potentially dangerous situation if you

7. Take legal action.

Get the law on your side if all else fails. Build a case with the police earlier rather than later. You need to document unwanted advances when they happen so that you can have ammunition to use against the stalker if the situation escalates.

Do not panic while reporting these instances to the police; instead, level with them and be transparent about the situation. You can tell them that you’d like to report the incident to have it on file because you suspect that you won’t be able to get rid of the stalker very easily.

Let them know that you’re taking precautions but that escalation might still occur.
The trick is to get a record of things early so that police can act if things get serious.
Get a restraining order if all else fails, and make the stalker pay for your legal fees if the situation escalates to a court case.

Get rid of stalkers with patience and precaution. Recognize the stalker by checking for the person’s mannerisms and friends (or lack of friends). Understand the type of stalker with which you’re dealing so that you can anticipate their moves. Control your online presence and ask around when you suspect that someone follows you. Stalkers stay in the shadows for a reason—expose them to scare them away for good.

78 People reacted on this

  1. jeez, could you be more ignorant! they don’t go away EVER. even if you do tell them to go away, they think that is sign of encouragement. don’t minimize what is a life changing, a life ruining event.

  2. A man completely unknown to me, has been stalking me for over 6 months. Cate is right. They dont go away, NO MATTER what you do. I told him I would spray mace in his face. He stayed away for 2 or 3 days and he is back again. I do have a contagious disease which sometimes is deadly. I am thinking about breathing in his space…If you think this is funny, you dont know about stalkers. I am sick and tired of this joker. I dont have AIDS…. I actually have something worse…if I give him a piece of candy or gum that I have touched, he will go down for the count. He is asking for it, dont you think…???

    He might not actually die, but he will be covered with boils full of pus. Maybe he will be too busy going to the ER to stalk me. AND, the really good thing is he will never know I gave him the hideous bacteria…GOOD ONE, HUH? Im going to offer him a treat tomorrow and see if he will eat it. A tasty candy. Maybe the doctors can save him. Anyway, he wont know he has it for about a week, so what can he do, sue me???? No antibiotics work on these particular bacteria….
    I sell a book on how to control the bacteria. He will not have that information. He got down and begged for this, didnt he??? SAY YES…

  3. Only two alternatives I see as permanent solution: 1. kill the stalker (if You hurt him only, he will seek for revenge when he gets well, with the consequence of 4-15 years imprisonment) 2. Move away better as far away as possible (better other state or even move to other country, if possible even other continent). Many people standing on the street (like street gangs are using stalking techniques).

  4. never walk alone, always walk with a group of people with a mix of guys and girls at least for a little while, make him get tired of waiting for you to be alone. or have someone stalk him, haha and see what happenssss. =] im silly.

  5. The only thing I’d worry about is when/if he gets well enough to continue stalking you he may that the fact you offered him a treat as encouragement and go even further.

  6. i don`t know how ppl can make light of something like a stalker! my sister was stalked by her ex hubby who happend to be a cop. he knew how to avoid being found out for a long time becuz he was a cop. she also has two kids with him so there had to be contac with him in one form or the other. there was a court officer that had to pick up the kids from my sisters house to bring them to there fatehrs/my sisters stalker. he has my sister so messed up it`s not funny . if i went into everything i could right the biggest book in the world. i live over 1500 hundred miles from her , she came to see me for a few weeks a few years ago. thinking or sure we can go shopping ect , well didn`t we see him at the mall the day she got here.a stalker will do anything and go anywhere to be near the one he stalks.
    in the end my sister had to go to another town to a police shop to report him. there was only so much they could do becuz of how far she lived from that cop shop. the could not send a cop 300 mile becuz he was on her street.
    with computers and all now a days u can be found anywhere!
    so i think giving him something or kicking his but is not the best way to go about it.
    thank go they got him before he hurt her or the kids ( yes he would use his own kids to get near her) in his mind that was ok. a stalker will do anything and step on anyone he has to to get to you!
    please do not make light of something like this ….. for far to many ppl it is all to real and sometimes deadly

    thank you

  7. My friend has been cyberstalked before, and that guy just never went away. He even had her phone number and address, though she had never given it to him. Right now she still chats with him, though as little as she can, trying to slowly get him uninterested in her because she’s scared that he’ll come to her place.
    If the guy doesn’t know where you live, though, the smartest thing to do would be to scrap your normal email id (no matter how many contacts you have or how many emails you get), tell only your close friends and family what your new id is, get a new, unlisted phone number and ignore any attempts by the guy to get in touch with you. Don’t even tell him to stay away from you or anything. Just disappear one day.

    The safest thing to do would be to not do anything on the internet with your real name.

    Paranoid? Yes, but there are many psychos out there who are just looking for an opportunity to ruin someone’s life.

  8. Do NOT go to a police station if you are being followed, unless you’ve already determined there are people up front. Most suburban and rural police offices do not staff the front. Parked cars mean nothing. Dispatchers may be behind locked doors, but no one will be able to help you if you run in screaming. So what if the guy following you can be identified on camera. You’ll be dead or injured. Go to a fire/rescue instead, or a 24 hour store if nothing else is open.

    I hate that people always say to go to a police station when it’s not a good idea. I have been there. I did go to a police station in the middle of the day with my stalker hard on my trail. No cops inside, just a disembodied voice asking me what I wanted. Good thing a cop pulled up in the lot and scared the nut off.

  9. i honestly dont think that step 2 would actually work.. trust me every time i ended a relationship it was tough .. it feels as if some people dont understand the meaning of the sentence “it is over”. it really get annoying .. specially if u end things in a snap .. then they gonna get in ur ass talkin biuyt gettin bak and thinking things over.. it just not gonna work .. i did that once and i literally had to cange ma home and cell phone number 9 times and a tellin her bout a billion times not to look for me anymore before she got off ma ass .. so finishing a relationship like that .. its a negative

  10. I have had a stalker for over 8 months. I have no idea why he chose me. I tried to get help from the police to NO avail. They told me if there is no open warrant on him, they cannot do anything. SO….here is what I am doing now: I have a contagious disease. He is not aware of this because I have no visible symptoms. I give him “love notes” completely contaminated with my bacteria. This is very sad to say because I feel his constant stalking (he even knocks on my window at FOUR THIRTY in the morning!) has reduced me to this point of wishing to make him too ill to continue stalking me. After the first “note” he looked extremely ill and for one month he did not show his face, but I think he was in his car observing my comings and goings. However, I was ready for him. When he reappeared suddenly, I gave him the third “billet doux”. There is no statute in any state regarding the intentional transmission of these particular bacteria. I warned him repeatedly to stay away from me. Nothing else has ever stopped him accosting me when I go out of my house. I hope the third time is the “charm” and disables him so he does not have the physical strength to continue to stalk me. He probably will not die from this particular disease, but it will be very severe anyway. I have no gun and I probably would not be able to shoot him when he is on my property skulking outside my home in the dead of night. He is always extremely happy to get my “love notes”. During the entire month when he did not accost me, I was smearing bacteria on the third note, waiting for him to show up. And he did…I put a kissie lipstick mark on this one and was very careful to especially smear the bacteria there. Surprise, creep….

  11. Carol – do it. Stalking is serious, not something to joke about. I got horribly stalked over the internet. It doesn’t sound as serious and it most aspects it isn’t, as they at least don’t know how to contact me at home or on the phone, but it was very upsetting. I had to change everything and it was very upsetting for a while. Now they can’t find me and it’s alot better

    If you’re being stalked personally, you MUST tell the police. Try contacting the police by telephone if it’s causing significant problems going into an unmanned police station. Keep a log of incidents and if possible, if you’re being followed in a public place, take photographs of the herb at different times (try and make sure he doesn’t see you – try a phone camera without a flash). It might be worth investing in closed circuit television on the outside of your house (try hiding it somehow, like in a window) and in your car. If the police don’t take you seriously, do persist with them, it might be worth hiring a private investigator to present more evidence

    Either way, you don’t have to suffer, this can be stopped

    Prevent internet stalking by never giving out your email address or real name online, it’s just not safe. If you’re being stalked by someoneon a website, and it’s severe you can contact your ISP providor and they may be able to help, or at least refer you to someone who can. Also, abandon any old username this person may be aware of

    And Matt, my advice to you is stop being ignorant – it’s not that easy telling them to leave you alone – that’s like giving cookies to a hungry tiger

  12. Also, if someone is following you around publicy, tell tehm to leave you alone – loudly. This should draw others attention to the situation and you should have a few witnesses to back you up

  13. I completely cut out my ex boyfriend almost 7 months ago because he was not only physically and emotionally abusive, but also a thief (unbeknown to me). I made the mistake of contacting him after three months because I missed him so in a moment of weakness. Now he will not leave me alone, calls me constantly, gets violent, and is all around awful if I do not do what he wants. He will not leave me alone. I have been to the police and expressed to him that I just want to be left alone. Please someone help!

  14. i have a stalker for over two years now. she has begun harrasing my family recently. i don’t know how to get rid of her. she calls and hangs up at all hours. when i answer the call (only because it private) she tries to speak to me or threatens anouther action against my family. i just found out that she has moved 8min. away from my house and i am scared for my kids and girlfriend. i don’t believe she would ever physically harm me but she is definately getting to me emotionally! please help me make her go away. i just want to live in peace!!!!

  15. did i forget to mention that her father was recentlly release from prison for murdering his girlfriend and her mother? i don’t think she is capable of this but i do think that she wants people to believe she is. i hate her and damn the day i met her ass!!! she isnt capable of gaining respect from ppl so she tries to scare them into it. she is just plain pathetic!!!

  16. The stalker accusation can be almost as bad as being stalked. I had a roommate (and friend of several years) claim I tried to kill her. She was serious. I immediately moved out and didn’t tell any of our mutual friends where I’d gone other than a vague “south of the university” description which was enough to assure her that I was at least 15 miles away. Whenever I met up with any of our friends (never while she was with them, of course), I’d do it at some neutral location. It sucked and I felt paranoid but, about a month later, her best friend called to ask me WTF was going on. My former friend had apparently spent the last month accusing me of vandalism and mail tampering as well as cruising past her house at all hours of the day and night. She was calling the cops several times a week. (This is why the cops need evidence before they go confront someone. If they tried to track me down every time she called, I’d be on a first-name basis with every cop in the county.) And she wanted my new address. Supposedly to forward some mail. Yeah, right. I had my mail forwarded to a private mail drop 3 days after I moved. And, if she really did have mail for me, she knew where I worked. She could have sent it to me there.

    “Even if I knew your address, I wouldn’t give it to her but I thought you should know she’s been asking.”

    I’m glad she told me. I’d been starting to wonder if my secrecy was necessary. Apparently it was. There was no reason for my former friend/roommate to ask for my new address unless she was planning some sort of confrontation that she didn’t want to do in public. Or maybe she wanted to vandalize my house. There was just no legitimate reason for her to know where I lived beyond the general area. So I kept my head down.

    About 9 months later, I heard she felt really bad about what happened so I finally felt comfortable giving my new address to people. Up until that point, only four people knew where I was living. Parents, my best friend, and my direct supervisor. As far as anyone else was concerned, I was a mail drop in a shopping center. I didn’t like living that way but the fact that this (in my mind) mentally unbalanced person was trying to find out where I lived made it necessary.

  17. We seriously do take everything as a sign of interest. You may never think of us but in our minds we see signs that you can’t get us out of your head. We obsess over you and like to think that you obsess over us too but have more of a life or aren’t as willing to admit your feelings. All we need to do is show you that we love you unconditionally, that we will do our best to take care of you, and that we’ll never hurt you. What more could you possibly ask for, right?

    It’s nearly impossible to curb our notion that you’re attracted to us on some level. We feel we’ve acknowledged our feelings first and just have to wait for you to come around. Simple common niceties will be construed as interest in us, and if you do not act completely appalled by our sexual innuendos or flirting then we assume you liked it. No brushing it off, then you’re just playing hard-to-get from where we see it. You have to act completely blown away, like you’ve never heard something as repulsive as the notion of us being together. It will be hard because our hearts will be broken but that’s the only way to get us to START to think maybe you aren’t interested.

    Something as simple as you moving your MySpace profile from private to public will make us think that you like us. We’ll think that you obviously want us to be able to keep up with what you’re doing, why else would you make it so we could see it? If we get a few extra profile views after looking at your profile we’ll laugh smugly because you’re obviously trying to stalk us too. We’ll think it’s silly how you don’t come around and admit your feelings.

    If you talk to us and we get the feeling you’re flirting, as i mentioned two paragraphs ago, we will be the happiest people in the world. We will sleep well that night, we’ll skip down the street, we’ll hum as we make breakfast the next morning. However chances are you’re interested in someone else. If you try to make an advance on the person you’re interested in we will feel as if you cheated on us. We’ll tell you that obviously you can hide behind the technicalities of “I wasn’t dating you” but you were definitely trying to play both fields. If you don’t apologize and promise to never do that again to us, we will become very upset. In our minds you just built us up to watch us fall.

    One night as I was talking to my ex over an instant messenger, we were laughing and going over things she’d never told me before and i kept telling her how wonderful she was. She would thank me but never returned my sentiments, but I figured it was just because she didn’t think of it. Later that night I checked her MySpace for what she said to people, what they said to her, as I always do and saw that while she was IMing me she was also telling her soon-to-be boyfriend that she loved him and couldn’t wait to kiss him again when she hadn’t told me that they had kissed at all.

    This made me angrier than I had ever been. I called her every name I could think of, I used the secrets I knew about her to hurt her, I almost killed her boyfriend when he started talking s**t to me. I retold the story of what happened with my distorted perspective and sent her reputation down the hole. It took me a month to stop being so angry about that, and even still it annoys me a little. After I calmed down though I was able to rationalize that she still did in fact love me, her new boyfriend was just an easier choice because they lived closer and went to the same school.

    So, I started wooing her again. I explained how sorry I was for hurting her and how she knows that’s not me. She said she hated me but she’d mention me to her friends or I’d find a reference to me somewhere. I created fictional people on MySpace to back me up. They would be girls who had taken an interest in me and would talk to her about my flaws, just so i could see what she’d say. I was able to play the part of a girl her age and they’d confide in eachother. I knew many of her secrets, and all of them seemed to say she still had feelings for me. What really set it off is when she’d mention that every once in a while she thinks of what we had. She never knew that the girl she was talking to was actually me.

    Basically the point of this is to let you get inside the mind of a stalker. It sounds scary and warped because it is and I hate that I do this but I keep telling myself if I give up on her and it turns out that the small chance was right and she does still like me then I may be passing up my chance with my one true love.

  18. no, if you tell them to leave you alone..
    they would annoy you even more..its digusting!
    i dont know what to do..i think he knows everything that i’m d0ing..he’s a psycomaniac!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    help me to get rid of him..plz.

  19. Get training on how to use a firearm if you don’t know how to use one. I have made a decision that I will place my stalker in a coffin if they follow me to my door step, or place me in a position of no escape. How can someone be so obsessed and sick?

  20. 8 years ago I have loved a man (perhaps prematurely) but he didnt have the same feelings for me at the time. He dated another woman, without my knowledge and then married another woman and left the state and became the vice president of the company. In the meantime, I had a private investigator come into my life (he was an amateur, that is why I know). He was testing me. I am in sales and for the past 6 years, I had customers/men come into my life and test me if I would have sex with them, with married men, etc. My car,phones are bugged and I have also been arrested. I am so messed up now that perhaps some customers are legit but I think it is another game that is being played. I am also in a very serious financial bond because of him. I tried talking to people about this, pastors, etc and they all think I am nuts. I use to love this guy but this isn’t love anymore and I didn’t think I would ever in my life say this, but I am actually starting to hate the ******* for what he has done to me! His illness has rubbed on me.

  21. i am a united states marine, and i am trained with all weapons and i am trained in martial arts, i can take down a man twice my size, so i see this guy following me i had never seen before, as fearless as i am, i get out of the car walk into a wal-mart(he follows) i see him, hide from him, stalk him in wal-mart,coem from behing him and place him in a hold he cant get out of and call secruity, they checked cameras and they beleived me. i highley suggest you learn how to use a fire arm or martial arts (perfurebly brazil jui-zuitu-the best) or you could just have a big guy friend to go places with you or a group of people, just think of somthing and dont go anywhere alone, 🙂 dont mess with me, i will take you down

  22. well, I know being a victim of a stalcker is not fun because My boyfriend is a very nice guy and we have one child together. However, I feel that he is stalking me because he would always pop up where ever I am. I can never be alone. I could not go to any friends’s and he would read my journal and the worst, he is getting verbally abusive because he feels that I don’t love him or trust him enough.
    He wants me to always believe him although he never keep his promises and he get really angry- I mean crazy angry, hurful, when I say no to him. He likes to make scene to humiliate me and always comes back when I leave him. Charming, smiling, joking like nothing happened. I realized that not only I should leave him but I also have to leave his neighborhood.
    being stalked is not a piece of cake. You can lose your mind- seriously.

  23. Be careful how much personal information you give new love interests. Meet their friends and family and observe how they interact. Listen carefully when they talk and see if the story is the same the next time the subject comes up. They are very intellegent,however when someone lies they have a hard time remembering it after a while. I,ve found that it takes approx 3 months before someone your involved with start to really show who they are if they,re putting up a front. If its still a go arrange to be away from them for a week before getting serious and commiting. If they’re a stalker, a week away from them will set them off and you have a better chance at damage control. Once police involvment is necessary, keep a log date time witnesses responding officers name and incident info. If it becomes necessary to prosecute for stalking, you will need this. cut ties and give them no rap they really do take any attention as a sign of interest. Dont resort to violence unless its necessary to physically protect yourself and if it becomes necessary that log can be a life saver in a self defense case. If you use deadly force be prepared to go to jail. But after living with a stalker its oh so much quiter

  24. i have had a stalker for 4 must never speak to them.if you told them to get lost they would twist the words to i love you by the time they get home.i am in the process of obtaining my second restraining order.never go out alone and always carry mobile phone.stalkers are unbalanced and are unpredictable.take no risks

  25. Boy….I found this in a mood of self-introspection. I think no one here has mentioned the subtle differences sometimes between stalking and courting. Especially when research tells us that in most relationships, one person loves the other more (check out Limerence theory). Men learn to pursue when they get mixed messages because EVERY SUCCESSFUL relationship begins with mixed messages — part of evolution’s way of making sure we choose desireable mates.

    And if the situation IS stalking, it’s a shame there’s been no mention about how to help the stalker. As individuals, doesn’t the stalker deserve just as much help from society (in this case of the counseling type) as the stalkee does from law enforcement institutions in our society?

  26. I’m 15 and I was stalked by a 22 year old during late summer/early fall. I knew him from a convention I’ve worked at every year for 7 years. He attended the last 3 cons.

    anyway, i used to be his friend and all. we were pretty chill until he started saying he loved me and all this other stuff. I told him I didn’t love him, i have no idea what he’s talking about, and it got to the point where we would fight because I have a life and I have friends and he doesn’t so he’d be jealous and think I was “cheating on him” and what not when we never even had a relationship.

    Things escalated even more to where i told him I want nothing to do with him and he went BALLISTIC and went to the psych ward of his nearby hospital 3 times in about a month, once for attempted suicide from alcohol poisoning. he blamed his psychosis on me saying that i’m a horrible person and that i broke his heart and that we could make things work if I only tried because true love is infallible, blah blah blah. he would threaten my life saying that he wanted to kidnap me and set me on fire in his backyard and that he would break into my house and steal all of my things and that all of my belongings were really his and that he wanted his stuff back etcetc. I kept trying not to talk to him but he would show up at my house and call me from pay phones, leave me messages, try to get other people to talk to me.

    in november of 07, after his last trip to the hospital on a 5150, i stopped answering his calls altogether. he had his brother call me all the time, but I talked sense into his brother and got him to stop calling me as well. The last I heard, he was still talking about me to a mutual friend about how I’m a b—- and other bad names, but he hasn’t tried to contact me since.

    I am still somewhat paranoid he’ll show up at my house after I get dropped off from the bus stop or that i’ll see him again at the con this summer. the second part is more likely, but there’s going to be about 1000 people there who just about all know me or know of me so if anything goes down, i know i’ll be safe.

    Mainly my advice is to look out for the red flags. This guide illustrates them very clearly. Heed the warning signs because once you’re too far in, it’s almost impossible to go back.

  27. Okay, so I used to date this boy. I broke up with him because he became very clingy. He would cry saying i was ignoring him if i went six hour without calling him. He tried to keep me from going to other people’s houses. He also was trying to get very physical. When I went over his home he had a minni shrine. It had the place card from my bat Mitzvah, the medallion I gave him. Even a peice of paper I colored on. I got scared and broke up with him. We had been close to best friends, and i wanted to brake up before it got so serious that we couldn’t be friends. He is still controlling. Where we used to talk (as friends) everyday. He will now often ignore my calls. When i went over his house he kept talking about how he still loved me and wanted us to get back together. I quote “you better not be dating *mutual friend* because if you were i would be so pissed”. I have now tried avoiding him, or just small corgial talk when he initiates it. He will be making nice normal small talk and then suddenly slip, calling me a *****, or *****. When I was forced to conversate with him at a recent social function he tried to put his hands around my waist. I told him if he did i would plaster his head into the wall. I then was forced to spend the rest of my night avoiding him. What scares me is his mood swings. He will be acting completly normal, then suddenly start calling me all these profanities. I will then ignore/block him. Then he will suddenly calm down and start begging for forgivness. We share mutual friends so it will be impossible for me to avoid him entirely. The reason that I prosponed breaking up with him for so long is that he has severe depression. He has attempted suicide numerous times. Since he was so obsessed with me, I feared that he would commit suicide when I broke up with him. He was miserable when I did, thankfuly though I do not believe he caused himself physical injury. When we were dating he did not talk to anyone except me. he also could not accept the fact that I occassionaly wanted to talk to someone else. He is very critical of me, where as when we were dating he saw me as having n faults. He cannot understand the concept of just a mutual,respectful,friendship. He has even insulted my mother, (not to her face). He started to scare me when he talked about how we were going to get married one day (I will not reveal my age, but I was under 15 at this time.) He fought the break-up. I had to repeat the process many times, and for hours.

    It’s hard. We used to be such good friends. I do not have many, and we were very close. i do not want to lose that friendship. However, he makes our time together so akward. He just also gives me a bad vibe. I picture being one of those people on 48 hours in ten years saying, “he was always a good kid,got good grades, never got into trouble, but there was just something always off with him. Please give me some advice.

  28. I am almost 50 years old and people have been stalking me for 25 years. For this reason, I REFUSE to have a relationship with a man or even have a best friend. It is a shame I have turned into a recluse. Currently, a demented psychopath has been stalking me for four years, and since he is possessed by Satan, I doubt very seriously his torment and persecution will cease. Whatever you do, DO NOT RESPOND

  29. I am almost 50 years old and people have been stalking me for 25 years. For this reason, I REFUSE to have a relationship with a man or even have a best friend. It is a shame I have turned into a recluse. Currently, a demented psychopath has been stalking me for four years, and since he is possessed by Satan, I doubt very seriously his torment and persecution will cease. Whatever you do, DO NOT RESPOND to his threats, his gifts, his contact via mail or email; it only reinforces the persecution. I have determined that since he is bent on destroying me anyway, if it is God’s time for me to depart this earth and if it is by the stalker’s hand, then so be it. He can DESTROY MY BODY BUT NOT MY SOUL.

  30. Well, if he comes close and it is in public get some blood capsules and pop one on you yelling he stabbed you.
    If alone a shock gun will work.

  31. Last summer i dated a boy for a couple months. He ignored me so i lost interest. Now he’s telling me how in love with me he is and if i would just give him a chance i would see it. He threatened to kill my boyfriend and track me down and i just dont know what to do anymore my boyfriend says just nip it in the bud stop answering his calls and stop letting him intimidate me because hes playing on my fear of him to keep me talking to him but im so scared….

  32. Hire some criminals to deal with these mutts. To the more mature ladies Bikers are the most cost effective. To the younger women ask a relative or close friend or friends to wreck your stalker in a way that keeps him/her well away from you from then on. It may be against your nature and it may seem morally depraved but when dealing with someone who has little to no morals should you really care that much?

  33. For the last three years I have been harassed by an ex friend who has made my life a nightmare, She has gone as far as to dressing like me
    to work in my old job. She even moved in to my old apartment, I have been to court many times and still continues I have asked for order of protection, This person has tryed to run me over with her car
    she writes anonymous to my job. I haved moved out of town and still
    see her around my new home, I feel she will not stop it going on four years now I have reached out for help but i find that it is hard to feel safe. Espically when you are beeing stalked by a female, I have a question What would cause another female to stalk another female.
    She has gone as far as to getting a job in my old job in the human resourse also moving in to my old apartment after she caused me to move away. I need answers…

  34. On christmas i met a guy in a party i only had a 2 minute conversation with him. Next month he started calling me alot and sending me very weird messages. At first i answered them asking him to plz stop and that we could ONLY b friends, but it got worst. I tried to tell the police but they say hes too young (hes 16 i think and im 14) and thats its only ‘a crush’. But hes been following me around and he is trying to found out where i live, he knows my school so i had to pay some older guys to protect me. Some of my friends want to beat him up but i think it will make it worst. The only thing i can do now is to ignore him and never answer his calls, but he sends messages if i dont. Im so scared. I have to sleep under my bed with a basebal bat. He just called like 10 minutes ago.

    I have someone stalking me and I don’t know who it is. He has murdered my animal, put dead animal in my mail box, shot guns off in my driveway and set fire to my house while my children and I were sleeping. After the fire I moved to another county and changed jobs. It took him about 8 months to find me and it has started again.
    I have made several reports to the sheriff and they can’t/won’t help. Instead they arrested me and charged me with allowing my horses to run loose. They agree that the fence was cut but yet they arrested me. They (sheriff) tell me to move. I have done that and it doesn’t work. I just want a normal life again. I want to enjoy my kids and animals, not worry when he will kill them or me.
    Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  36. Latley, iv’e been having a few problems… its became a newsence! i
    have a stalker. It first started out as him knocking on my window each night,mostly past midnight around 2. he knocked for a few weeks then i became worried, because just the other night i heard ripping!
    i thought it might of been a cat scratching at my window… but i guess i was wrong! The next morning i went out to check my window and
    my screen was ripped appart!!!!!!! It looked like someone had took a knife and cut a straight line, then took there hands and ripped the rest. i think this may be getting a little serious! im very afraid, one time he knocked at my window,and i ran to the outside part of the window and i saw him! He looked at me turned, then ran. im so unsure! because i dont know who he is or what i did to him! All i know is if he is brave enough to tear my screen to get to me… then he doese’nt sound very scared of me!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS??????????????

  37. O’my lord. I met what I thought was my soul sister (just plantonic)sp? We had so much in common, i.e. bleached blonds, approx. the same age, dog training classes, county life, thrift stores, etc. She would call me 4/5 times a day! In the beginning I thought, “well she is just loney” and I am her only friend. Wow, did it ever esclate from there, it could have been made a movie out of how she took over all my friends and acquaitances and has intimidated me to the point where I don’t feel comfortable going the places I took her to. She NEVER introduced me to ANY of her friends or acquaitainces and I don’t feel comfortable enough with my “old” friends or acquaitances to bring her up. It has been about 8 months now since I’ve seen her or all the people she started hanging around with that I introduced her to. She WAS the sweetest, nicest person you could ever want to meet but apparently wanted my life! I just hope that she may have moved on to “her old life” before me and maybe(?) hopefully, I can salvage some of my old acquaitances if she hasn’t slandered me too much! I am sure she is a sociopath and I understand that they don’t (usually) keep friends, hobbies or interests? Anyone got any tips or advice on dealing with such a siutuation? And be very careful about who you meet… either male or female!! I thought stalkers only came in the male form. Was I wrong! Sheila Taylor

  38. Its Not a tip but a problem.
    Ok My friend and I have Runescape accounts(a popular medieval website)
    Well she has had many Runescape boyfriends.
    And one of her recent ones that she broke up a little of more then 3 weeks ago i believe.
    She gave him MY cell phone number. Because she was over and thought it would be okay and doesn’t and now he wont leave me or my phone in piece texting, and calling.
    I told him to stop and he goes no. So i ask my parents what to do and my dad goes next time he calls ill awnser! and not 2 hours later he calls and i run to my dad with the phone and he awnsers and goes HELLO!
    but he hangs up after he hears the man voice.
    and since then (1 day) he only texted me twice. unlike his normal 100 text.
    And my dad said if he continues we block his cell phone number from reaching me and calling the cops.

  39. This may seem like the most retarded thing ever, but start wearing old navy and a polo (guy), thats what I did! Shake your boody when u walk.

  40. One thing that many people overlook is that if it’s an ex who is stalking you, they may have a key to your house or know where your spare is. I immediately changed my locks after breaking up and finding that my ex went psycho, but even that hasn’t been enough. What started off as just an annoying “he just won’t move on” has quickly turned into a nightmarish situation of the ex contacting friends and family, tracking my moves, wanting to get as much info about me as he can from others who know me, emailing and texting repeatedly each day, and telling me that he loves me now more than ever–even though I’ve made it more than clear I’m not in love with him and won’t be friends with him.

    The foolish thing I keep doing is answering an occasional text or email, just because I don’t want to be rude. I have got to get it in my head that it’s not me being rude. The rude thing here is that he won’t respect boundaries and is starting to make my life a mess. Anyway, though I’m not living my own advice, another tip I would say is to NOT acknowledge contact. It only makes thing worse…much, much worse. I read that even if you only answer the phone once to tell the stalker to go away, after even 60 phone calls, the stalker realizes that it will cost at least 60 phone calls but it’s encouragement and reassurance to them. I don’t understand how someone can think it’s okay to stalk, but I really believe the stalker doesn’t even realize how creepy they’re being. I know that’s how it is in my case anyway. Good luck to others!!!

  41. I’ve been reading your comments and requests for help. The stories sound familiar…I’ve been there more than once. My most recent encounter with a socio-path stalker had forced me to take a long hard look at my own behavior. FIRST of all, I know, its not my fault. And its NOT YOUR FAULT. You have done nothing wrong. You do not deserve this. Don’t feel guilty for ‘hurting’ someone. These guys are not ‘hurt’ by you, they are just blaming you for their hurt (if it has gotten to that stage yet). If they didn’t blame you, they would blame someone else. SECOND, forget all the rule for niceness that your mother taught you. BUT DO NOT GET AGGRESSIVE….AVOID AGGRESSIVENESS AT ALL COST!!!! If he calls, and you pick up, put it down. Don’t listen to the pleas, the begging, the guilt trips…these guys are masters of manipulation and they know you may give in because you were taught to be polite. They rely on that ‘good upbringing’ to get their way.Ignore them, walk away, put the phone down, don’t answer it, don’t talk to them. Period. THIRD when they start to get too close…like outside your window, following you…MOVE MOVE MOVE or get a BIG STRONG MALE COMPANION WHO YOU TRUST to be a body guard. Get a dog. Take self defense. Don’t go anywhere alone. Don’t stay home late at night alone. Stay in a social environment, stay in public. Keep in mind, these guys may make a scene…they thrive on scenes so start thickening your skin because they know that you don’t want to be embarrassed in public. Hold your head high. Don’t say a word. Walk away. Stay calm. FOURTH; inform you family and friends that you are afraid. Stay with them, go on a trip…do what you have to do to get out of town. I left home for two years…on the day of my arrival home, he called. I left again. It seems overwhelming to take drastic measures, but these guys are dangerous. FINALLY, watch out afterwards. These experiences can make you feel horribly vulnerable which makes you prey for another one of these idiots….surround yourself with a group of people you trust. Take a course or buy a book on assertiveness training. WE often open ourselves up to these people by ‘feeling’ sorry for them, for not standing our ground, for having given in once to a sob story…just listening to the sob story is their doorway into your life. I hate to have to give this kind of advice. It was hard for me to accept that I would have to be ‘rude’, sometimes mean, and different from the kind of person I wanted to be. Best of luck. Chin up. Stay proud. Stay strong.

  42. Kate, I’ve been trying to find information on what you described. I can’t say that there is a lot out there except in reference to the movie ‘Single White Female’. If you can find out the name of the character’s illness, you might be able to pinpoint what is going on with your female stalker. Be careful sister. She wants what you have…and apparently has little self-knowledge or understanding. Go to the authorities or a psychologist for their opinion on what you should do to protect yourself. If they brush you off, go to another one. Get a few opinions. You may have to make yourself disappear for a while….once I got information to my stalker that I was moving to a particular city and studying at a particular university (which was untrue). the person moved. Was furious. But later, many years later, thanked me.

  43. My closest friend more like a sister has this stalker and the police honestly think she is doing it her self. Ill start by saying she wants to be a cop as well and has been through schooling for it. But now this guy – im assuming its a man but who knows – has been sending her letters one with a knife stuck through it one in her car one in my car and about three at her old place of work. This person went as fas as getting her fired from her job by starting a fire and framing her completly – she got arrested and since the stupid police/detectives involved will do nothing they are basically a bunch of useless ideots who honestly think the whole thing is an attention grab. We have absolutly no idea as to who this could be all except for on person who actually thinks he is in love with her but we cannot be certain so nothing can be done. Ive read a whole bunch of crap on do’s and don’ts – my friend wont let me talk to this ass hole we think might be it because Id probably kill him literally. Im completly at a loss here because in the last letter he threatens my friend and gives her a ring. I dont know if this is totally off topic but if anyone has any suggestions I’d be extremly excited to hear them – im a very protective person and this wont due.

  44. Okay well I have a stalker I know his name but not last. His grandparents live down the street from me. He walks up and down the street and watches my house. If I’m outside he will approach me. He has threatened my brother with a weapon. He is 6 years older than me and is “in love” with me. help!

  45. I am in desperate need of advise and help. I am writing on behalf of myself and those that matter to me, and may be in danger. Someone unknown to me has been following me and contacting me with threatening messages. My life and the lives of others have been put into jeapordy because of this man. I am definant that this is a man because I have seen glimses of him on occation near subways and in shops. When calling me his number has showed up as a private number. I am scared for my family and myself. The messages left on my phone are threatning and extremely real. Yet I believe this man is “in love” with me because he has ordered me to divorce my wife. I cannot live like this any longer. My children have been forced to pick up and move on a moments notice and flee to a safer place. They have been traumatized and are afraid to go to school, or anywhere else open and dangerous. I have no where else to turn. Help is needed and very much appreciated. But my name is not John. I have been forced to use a fake name because I am put into more danger if I contact anyone about this situation.

  46. press a number when ur on the telephone and say operator this person keeps calling and the person might hang up. this works when uron the telephone

  47. Guys aren’t use to rejection nowadays and its creepy. I have a stalker that I’ve never seen in person only via pictures because I met him on myspace and he seemed like a down to earth person and we never ever went out ever! He swears we did and he claims to have broken up with me but how could this be when we were never in a relationship. All his colors began to show after awhile so I already knew I wasn’t going to lower my standards to be with someone so childish. He always said he loved me and that really creeped me out. We never seen each other in real life. I stopped answering his calls and I blocked all his yahoo & aim names. I blocked and deleted his myspace page and he even had the nerve to make up new pages just to friend request me and send me messages even till this day. He’s a bit psychotic because he still trys to reach out to me and all of the above. He’s stalking me through the internet its so sickening and I don’t know what to do to get rid of him once and for all!

  48. Not really a tip… I’m still a teen and there is a 28 police stalker, thats been ‘in love’ with me. I can’t really avoid him he sends me gifts at my house. I’ve changed my number three times and he keeps finding out about the changes. I’m staying at a neighbors house so he can’t find me. I don’t go out that much anymore and only keep intouch with one friend. I’m scared and affraid he’s going to fallow me to college.

  49. My heart goes out to all of you who are victims of stalkers. Hang tough and don’t let them know you are phased by their tactics. Intimidation is their tool so don’t let them know you are scared.

    Be prepared if for an assault. Carry with you some sort of protection; mace, pepper spray or even better a stun gun. Cell phone stun guns are great because you can appear to be talking on the phone and it’s ready at a moments notice should they try to grab you.

    There are voice changers you can put on your phone so the stalker will think someone else is in your house with you. You don’t have to be a victim. There are inexpensive home alarm systems to alert you to an intruder, window alarms, door braces and the list goes on and on. Be proactive with the items. They will give you peace of mind.

    I hope this doesn’t sound self serving because you can get them lots of places but they’re available on my web site along with a page full of safety tips. I created my web site to help people who are dealing with vulnerability.

    Use these products to enhance your security and live your life, knowing you are prepared if your stalker decides to do more than stalk.

  50. don’t date people who hunt a lot.
    or who haven’t dated many others. or have no friends.
    the best to way to get rid of one is not to meet them in the first place.

  51. i have this girl who stalks me, stupidly i had sex with her and now she wont leave me alone, she knows where i live, she even came to my house un invited, i took her bk to the train station then i left to go out, i got a phone call from my house saying shed came bk, she started talking to my mum for 2 hours, luckily i was out at the time, she said shes commin bk tuesday, she just wont leave me alone, what do i do

  52. Ok I need advice…I have a stalker and as luck would have it, its not your in your face type. Meaning I have had no personal contact with this person in the real world. I have no idea who this person is and I feel it is a guy, who I once chatted with on messenger.

    He’s interfered with my profiles on social sites, deleting mail etc where meeting new people is almost impossible. There’s been other stuff to but would take too long to explain it all.

    I’ve up graded my security, but eventually he’ll find a way to get back in. Not just my Id but he’ll randomly use Id’s of others on my list even pretending to be them… he’s insidious and subtle and I can’t prove anything and he knows it. It’s driving me crazy I even feel I’m not making any sense typing this up. Ignoring him isn’t working!!! This person is twisted so I really don’t think there interested in me they just like effing with my head.

    This has been going on for a while I’ve tried everything, but obviously I’m doing something wrong. So apart from taking drastic action, which is closing all profiles and messengers and opening new ones incognito. What can I do?

    Is there anyone out there with any alternatives ideas on how I can figure out who the hell this is…deal with it…and reclaim my life back here.

    It might only be the Internet to a lot of you but damn it’s the whole principle of the matter.

    I would greatly appreciate any feedback on this.

  53. I have a stalker,he has left mail,posted and hand delivered,some abusive,other times asking me to forgive him,abusive ph calls,my son answered one call,my stalker told him we would all be killed,He texts me,emails,turns up randomly (sometimes with unknown associates ) to intimidate me,hes rung welfare on me,used my personal details to have my ph disconnected,rung my work pretending to be my real estate agent asking for my forwarding address,ph calls to my manager which are defamating,Hes prowled outside at night,tapping on the house,encouraging women to make abusive ph calls to me.Hang ups on my cell,I went to Court to get an order and he rung my flatmate to try to bribe her to lie in court….then told her how we were going to be killed,including our kitten,hes demanded to know my boyfriends name,workplace,family,I am going through the Courts now,and I am living in a Refuge(safehouse)I am relocating to another city.This man has taken our security,my job,my health,my sons innocence away…this is just a brief version of events…..And guess who it is My Biological father I only recently met.Im told it is rare,Is there anyone else who has had the experience of it being a parent….Thank god I have great support from the Police and Workers,Courts,But 12 months of this is taking a toll.I dont know what else to do but keep fighting for my life back My heart goes out to anyone in this situation.BE STRONG,research and always try to stay one step ahead of there behaviour.

  54. this guy keeps messagine me. he doesn’t stalk me during school, but he keeps talking to me and asking me why i never asnwer him.

    and when i don’t talkto him he gets mad! i had my friend try to tell him to leave me alone, and all he said was “who are you?!?!”
    he has been messaging me every day. so i ende up blocking him and deleting him off of msn.
    he is a computer FREAK. not a geek. he keeps sending me codes and he knows that i don’t believe in love and he’s been trying to get me into beleiving it SO badly. it get’s me to the core. i cannot stand him.
    i’m nice to him at school, and that’s when the messages began. the second he found me on msn. he’s been telling me that i’m the one who always makes him happy and the reason why he’s alive in the world. blah blah blah. it get’s annoying when a guy keeps messaging you. even if it is a compliment or something. he’s really aggressive, too. which creeps me out. it’s only randomly though. like, if you hit him playfully, he’ll punch you.
    thank God he doesn’t have my number.
    He is one creepy person.

    I always have another stalker you follows me EVERYWHERE. he always tries to talk to me and always tells me weird facts. i seriously think it’s just a crush or something, but to follow me EVERYWHERE? that’s a bit overrated. |:

  55. ok, so i dated this guy, stupidly, i had sex with him. i broke up with him. he couldn’t get it through his head that i didn’t want him, so he started calling members of my family and some of my friends. i tried to forget him and not answer his calls. he called me on a restricted number 5 days later begging me to take him back, saying hes nothing without me. i made the mistake of telling him i would take him back, then once i had thought about it, i knew i didnt want him back. he gave me guilt trips and even cried. im a teenager, and he is not. i dont know what to do.. i cant take this anymore. its driving me crazy. PLEASE HELP.

  56. DON’T ‘get a dog’

    More than likely this will be a tool the stalker will use to manipulate you.

    My mother stalker plays tug-o-war with the dog. it’s disgusting. Police won’t do anything.

    He’ll kill the dog, to get to you.

    DON’T get a dog for the sake of protection.

    DO get a dog if you have the time/money/energy and are willing to put in the time to look after it and train it properly to ensure a healthy, HAPPY dog. Not an attack dog..

    Getting a new pet when you have a stalker hanging around is asking for trouble.

  57. ive been getting stalked by this total completely stranger. i saw him once at the cinema with my friends he looked hot and i couldnt take my eyes off him. we watched the same film after the film he waited for me outsied he looked two years older than me. i was 16 he looked about eighteen. me and my group friends went to the bus stop to go home and he followed with his friends then he stood across the road telling me to come but i didnt go because i was sooo shocked and shy. i was a bit of a fridget and still am a but. his friends where grining. when i didnt go he walked a way angryily. weeks after i see him driving past my house in a car i was sooo shocked. the car he was in beeped at me. i ignored it and went home. BIG MISTAKE. as from me going home he knows where i live. he drove past my house many times beeping and sometimes walking past. sometimes he plays music outside my room window and just stays there in his car. he has friends stalking me as well and sometimes he comes to my house with these expensive looking taxis telling me to come. and limos ocassionally go past me. the same one. i know its him because it is the same and it goes through the most ridiculous places folowing me. this guy is obviously rich. but i fink hes a total weirdo. i went to shop then outside ma house was this boy and guy a bit younger than me holding bare bags and were staring at me waiting for me take it. he sends the same guys to wait for me weneva i go shop or try to go home. its weird. i know he means well. but this is not rreally afraid to know that someone so rich and powerful can get all these people to stalk me its rediculous…he should invest his money in something else instead of wasting his time on me….i feel like its my fault if only i didnt stare at him all of this wouldnt be happening..theres so much to say…if i get a response ill tell you the rest…

  58. well i honestly dont have THAT kind of stalker but my old friend keeps stalking me, she tracked down my utube vids adn everything. any advice?? she is still emailing me and i stopped being her friend in march….its may!!!

  59. I got a stalker reported him to nj police when I was 22 they said I needed my mom to contact them even as an adult by their law adults have to have to have someone present with them what the heck? He keeps e-mailing I love you and thinks were in love then he found my number started calling me asking sexual questions etc……… he flirted with my 17 year old sis this guy is in his 30’s yuck ! now she is 21 still it’s gross for a man to go there. (mcstardust) I told him to stop a few times then oneday he called stated yelling at me on phone saying don’t ever say hat he’s psyco ppl !

  60. Matt

    Trust me that will not work. I am a stalker, it’s a sort of subconscious thing. I am at school so I guess I just subconsciously walk where I know she will be. I only realised I was when one of my friends told me that the girl was really scared of me and thought I was a stalker. Afterwards I cut myself and avoided her since. I have always been afraid of scaring people since. It was two years ago and I still feel terrible about that let alone what I still do. I am just unaware of things that I do that make girls scared. I am never going to hurt anyone but I am still scared of scaring people. It is still driving me to hate other stalkers and myself, it pushes me towards social isolation. I have gone from then when I had a normal life to know where I have about 5 friends, probably the only people I know who understand.
    I desperately want to help victims of stalkers.

    What I can say is a stalker can be stopped by threats for a short time only. The only thing that can stop them permanently is someone else. A fake myspace account might work. Make one start saying nice things to them when you a running them down with your real account.

    Don’t appear to be afraid, just be uninterested and negative, and try not to ignore just make conversations boring.
    The longer they know you the more obsessed they become. Particularly if they spend long times alone.

    One other thing is they will see you as perfect. And as you are not they will ignore facts or love you for your faults.

    They want to have a relationship with you, it probably depends on the person but I just want to be friends with the girl in question. But I almost worship her and hate others for not doing the same, I am jealous of anyone who she knows.

    I hope this has helped,

    But can I ask I want to apologise to my victims but I am afraid of further damage, any advice.
    And how could I find out if someone is scared of me (I can’t ask because then she will be.)

  61. my advice, speaking from experience, once i realized that i didnt want to be with him and he wasnt going to accept it…I soooo started turning him off, while yes its true that they see you as perfect and you can do no wrong, i did EVERYTHING i knew he hated in a woman, i farted in his presence i would pick off his plate, i tried to be 10x as clingy as he was with me, and it worked =D it took four months of turning the tables on him, but it worked lmao he was like i dont know what got into you but this just isnt working, i love you so much and always will and never wanted to hurt you…but i cant do this anymore haha it was amazing, i was actually very proud of myself, and it ALWAYS makes for a funny story =D hope this helps ladies and sometimes guys

  62. This article helped me a lot.

    I am actualy being stalked by a man. We met online and started meeting in person. After about 3 months of being friends I started noticing how dramatic and bipolar he acted. He has a low self-estem, and believes that i am perfect.

    I work next to my moms work, and he moved into the house next to our works, and everyday when i leave he is sitting or standing around the corner. I never know where hes gonna pop out of.. but he is always somewhere. He always wants to fight, scream, make a huge scene, and cry. He takes anything he can get that i have as some reminder of me or something. Its really a scary situation.

    My main problem is that nobody knows that i am interested in guys, and he is using it to his advantage. I dont believe my personal life is anyones business, and would be devistating to my life if anyone found out. I have tried everything to get him away. Ive beaten him to a bloody pulp for calling my mom about 300 times in a row for two days nostop. nothing works. Now that we dont speak.. he thinks im a monster, and is filled with hate. Im about to quit my jobs and just leave.

  63. I wrote the last post.

    I need some good advice on my situation. Im being drivin insane by some freak psycho that wont stop calling my house/work/and cell. I have beaten him senceless for calling, but if i dont answer my cell.. he calls my house continueously over and over. Its actually my moms house so it causes problems when my mom answers and he just breathes in the phone. He calls my work and says he is all these different people looking for me. He has stolen over $1,000 dollars worth of property from me (so that i will try to get it back).

    I cant change my moms house number that she has had for 23 years. I want to change my cell, but im afraid that he will just freak out completely and try ruining my life. Nobody knows that i am bisexual and that is his leverage to keep me in his clutch. As much as i dont want anyone to know.. im thinking about just saying it so i can end all this..

    is there any other way? plz help.

  64. ok, first. do NOT put up too much personal info on sites like Facebook, MySpace, etc. try your best to get to know people really well before you trust them with stuff. get to know their friends so that you know that the person isn’t starved for attention and isn’t a loner. if you meet someone in person, after only knowing them online, meet in a crowded place that you know your way around, but don’t usually frequent much. it’s always better to be safe than sorry even if you have to be super alert all the time.

    i had a stalker once. he was someone i’d dated and then broken up with. he started following me everywhere. his friend stayed near my house and he’d crash with him pretty often. so as soon as i’d get out of my house, i’d find my stalker following me. everywhere. even when i’d get out to walk my dog. he’d call and say stuff like someone would kidnap me if i wasn’t with him. it was scary. i had to delete my Facebook profile and all my blogs. he’d even call at home at all odd hours. thankfully i got my older bro to scare the shit out of him and he’s stopped now. thank god!

    i guess my only advice is to get someone older involved if the situation gets really out of hand. safety is of paramount importance. so whether you’re in the closet, or have had a secret relationship, or whatever, just do whatever it takes to get rid of the stalker before it gets worse.

  65. also, don’t appear to be affected by your stalker’s actions. coz for your stalker, that’s the aim – to piss you off so much, that you’ll give in. talk to people you trust. tell them about your situation so they can help you.

  66. No contact! I’ve been stalked for almost nine years now…the stalker clearly has DSM IV Cluster B issues. She uses “proxies” by manipulating my friends, family and co-workers. I now avoid all other people except my immediate family and co-workers to avoid her though as you can imagine she constantly plagues me at work. Her third-party physical violence has not been too damaging yet…a few bruises and many threats. Oddly enough, she is a trial lawyer and like many cluster B types, actually plays the victim (i.e., he doesn’t like me and won’t hang out w/ me…do damage to him)…as if I’m required to spend time w/ a psycho. Amazing though that people fall for her lies and manipulation.

    – Tired of the stalker

  67. Well….. I had a Russian stalker for 12 years… and about 4 years of them I did not realise he was there… an arch enemy of his let me know that he was following me. I ended up moving employment and opted to go out west to a small country town area. Best move I ever made. Alas.. he still tracked me down a few years later but gave up after I was married for 5 years…. All I did was ignore that he was there… I saw him there alot… It is best to not catch their eyes when you notice them watching you in public… Otherwise… if he did catch me seeing him he would smile as if ‘he had one a point’ or something… Just a BIG old game! I kept a little journal of the events just in case something happened to me… It helps if other people that are known to you witness the stalking aswell… makes you feel a little more sane… 🙂

  68. Here is a little tip…. car stalking… I have had that ALOT by MR RUSSIAN stalker… what you do is… NOT DRIVE TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS!!! You slow your vehicle down a little and see if they slow down too. Most people are impatient drivers and will overtake. Another tip is do a few left turns and then pull over… The stalker will have to either follow, pull over behind you ( which they WILL NOT do) or pass around you. Normally they will be dumb and follow you… and then as you pull over… they pass… get their car registration plate… and make some type of record of it. then if you feel unsettled drive to a police station and report the incident to them.

  69. Some people say that if some weird person is staring at you repeatedly, it’s best to look away, since it might tell the stalker that they are interested or “curious” about them. However, this is not the case. It’s better to look STRAIGHT at them, as it tells them that they should back off a little. And by staring, I don’t mean a timid stare. You should go ahead a glare.

    Stalkers, in MOST cases, go after people that are weak and vulnerable, and who aren’t resistant.

    For example, me and my friend were hanging out in Borders with our parents before our volleyball practice [we’re teenagers in high school, by the way] and, of course, we’re wearing our uniform, which is spandex and t-shirts. We’re reading magazines near the front of the store, and after a couple of minutes, we realize that there’s this guy who keeps walking past the magazine rack staring in our direction. I just stare at him, and he looks away as he walked around the book shelves. I had been suspicious of him from the start, and he came back around. We talked to our parents, and my friend’s dad, when he came back around, stepped on his feet. It didn’t stop him though, and he did another lap around the store before I glared at him over the shelves. He caught my stare and left.

    It’s best to stare straight back at them, honestly. It really does help. If it doesn’t, then you should be cautious and very aware of what that person does, and make sure that if it’s starting to scare you, you need to tell someone immediately.

  70. I like the never speak a word to the human being again suggestion. i’m surely following this advice. women that stalk you aren’t cute…they will attempt to do anything they can to ruin your life and ruin any chance at another woman taking “their spot”…stalkers are completely psychotic people…i’d be in jail if i did half the stuff this female does…getting a restraining order will only intensify the issue and give the person more attention…now she stalks my family members because i haven’t talked to her in 6 years and she needs to know what i do…i don’t know what to do…i’m scared…she’s like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear…i never know when or where she’ll show up next…she’s psycho…i might consider finding a psychological support group as the article suggests also.

  71. I think the best thing to do is to keep mace on you…if you have told someone not to come near you and they attempt to anyway then you can taser them or spray mace on them…this would surely be the last draw when done in public…

  72. Dear Federal Bureau Investigation:

    My name is Teresa Hill of Burnham, IL. I
    would like to share the stalking events taken place by Kyle Turton
    of Florida or New York whom I have not spoken to or seen since 2001 and his family members who are helping him commit crimes against me.
    Kyrle Turton and his family has brought fear and pain to anyone they
    encounter spreading lies and creating hostile environments.

    Myrtle Turton of 1617 W. Carmen Chicago, IL and Kyrle Turton of Florida or New York have been financing every crime act of stalking and harassment. For the past 3 years I have been harassed and stalked by Kyrle Turton Kyrle Turton told his family members where I live. Some of his family members moved into a building located on Burnham, IL three years ago. They have been stalking and terrorizing the community and my neighborhood with vicious lies and money for people who are willing to commit crimes against me and my family members.

    Until three years ago, I have never met or seen these people before. Once they moved in the building in my neighborhood they began harassing me. Some of the residents last names are Weeks, Graham, Garcia, Millender, Hunter, and Martin. The harassment has not stop, but increased.

    FBI agent: If you call these places or local south suburb Chicago police they will have record oh these incidents

    Some harassing and stalking crimes:
    April 22, 2010
    I went to the Calumet City Library after 30 minutes of library
    computer internet usage one of Kyrle Turton’ s family members
    befriended the computer lab attendant who allowed them access to my
    computer usage.

    May 7, 2010
    I went into Lansing Ace Hardware located on Ridge Road in Lansing,
    IL I was followed in the store. The man that followed me informed the
    store clerk that I was a convicted child molester.

    Upon returning home a voice from the building located 14234 S.
    Manistee Burnham, IL 60633 where Kyrle Turton family members live
    said yes we are still stalking you.

    May 14, 2010
    Around 2:00 pm I was followed into Aldi Food Store in South Holland,
    IL located on River Oaks Drive. A black male enter the store stating
    that I was a convicted child molester, store employee stated that
    someone had been in previously and was not true.

    His relatives whom are secretly viewing my internet activity have
    managed to contact every person I have typed or viewed to tell them
    vicious lies about me. They have also given others access to my home
    computer internet. I also believe they are gain access to my home telephone line because they know who I have called and who has called me.

    I cannot fight him or his family his mother is one of thirteen
    children whom have several children. I estimate 200 or more South Suburb of Chicago and Chicago resident. They constantly and routinely
    whenever I am in public inform each other that I am in a particular
    place and to initiate harassment.

    Teresa Hill

  73. Very good suggestions on preparing yourself for self defense against these lunatics that need psychological help ….I actually had so many death threats that I hired a lawyer and had to end up putting this girl in prison for several different case’s … Terroristic threats ,bodily harm,breaking restraining orders several times,it’s like these types of people never sleep,it can go on for months ,unexpectedly at all hours of the day or night…..recently went to the doctor an was diagnosed with severe anxiety and panic disorder from this crazy girl… It doesn’t stop there… This girl is incarcerated for 5 years and still manages to track me down after getting a new phone number and another job….. My thoughts are will this girl get the help she needs or just keep her doped up an brain dead to stop this crazy nonsense

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